Gentlemen Behold The Powers Of Iron Maiden

Iron Maiden is without a doubt the reason why I am alive today. Now as you all know I had a major operation and nearly died. But I was given a large dose of Metal and I have made a very speedy recovery.

Since the dawn of time man has known of the medicinal powers of metal. That is why early warfare was fought to the beat of drums. The theory is that the army with the more brutal drums will have less sever wounds and deaths therefore the other army with less brutal metal will be defeated because of high levels of attrition .

Later on Knights would pay homage to metal by wearing heavy suits of armor. They would then kill large quantities of peasants. This was because Metal demanded sacrifices. Today these same sacrifices are made by Eagle Drivers who play Dragonforce when they bomb Hagi.

Don't Fuck With Red Coats!!!

Now I want to focus in on Iron Maiden, Britons Greatest contribution to the world after naval warfare, and world domination. Iron Maiden is arguably the loudest band in England (although this is in dispute as Spinal Tap also lays claim to the title). Anywho Iron Maidens music is uplifting, with topics like hell, war, and Killing.

Iron Maiden was once seen in a specific German city in 1945. Days later this city was burned to the ground. That city was Dresden. Iron Maiden has destroyed countless civilizations with its mighty brutality that is its metal. Yet when young people are in dispair the same power that has been known to level entire mountain ranges also has the power to heal. This is the great gift of Metal. Metal can destroy but it also creates. And that is why the use of Metal should always be used for world domination.

Thats the most bitchen poster I've ever seen (note that is a real life depiction)

Iron Maiden has shown me the light. So every day I try to do something that is Metal and would make Maiden proud, like boozing and using hookers.