The Time I Almost Died
So I'm sitting in the hospital once again. This time I almost died. And it wasn't in glorious battle. The good news is that there was a fuck load of blood. 4 pints to be exact. Now I'm no biologist but I do know that the Human body carries about 6 quarts and it takes 2 pints to make a quart. So if I was a larger male that would mean that I lost 1/3rd of all the blood in my body. The thing is that I'm a very small male thus I probably lost about half of all the blood in my body.
Whats that your wondering? How did I loose so much blood and it wasn't in battle? Well it all starts back when I took an aspirin now normally I don't like to take pain killers of any kind because as Dalton has made it very clear PAIN DON'T HURT. But I was feeling a bit off that day and instead of manning it up like I should I took an aspirin. No I didn't take one aspirin I took TWO!!! This was last Thursday. I go about my business on Thursday, no problems. I go about my business, no problems. Saturday rolls around. No problems until close to midnight when I feel a little nautious . Oh no big problem.
I decide to take a shower because I was a bit manly smelling and I had to get up early for work anyway and if I knock my shower out then I can sleep in an extra half hour. Well guess what. I throw up. The thing is I don't throw up. That would imply that what I did was some what normal. No its more like a volcano erupted out of my mouth. The stuff that came out of my mouth besides last nights steak dinner, was brownish and tar like. I was a bit confused even as it was erupting from the depths of my body. I didn't remember eating tar or anything that brown. I collapsed in the shower as I was feeling light headed. I examined the brown stuff and realized upon the closer inspection that the this was not food at all but blood. I then felt incredibly dizzy and collapsed. I should have drowned in the shower in a puddle of my own congealed blood. But Crom willed me to live on. He knew that I had many more battles to fight. That my death can only be in the name of the Immortal God Emperor Norris.
So I awoke and cleaned up the shower as best I could. Unfortunately there was so much blood, it had spilled out of the confines of the shower. I then slapped a towel around my cock and put a t shirt and under wear on. I then went back to bed.
I awoke but an hour later with an incredible urge to shit. I crawled out of bed and BANG. I awake with my head on the weight scale on the floor of the bathroom. This does not deter me. I crawl onto my might thrown and shit a mighty shit. I wipe my ass and look back upon what I left behind.
What I saw would have ripped the souls out of lesser men, tried those whose hearts are not pure, those who do not see the guiding light of the Emperor. No swirling around in that pool was not of this earth and the shit water even had a blood red hue. (No shitting, pardon the pun) I wipe my ass and go back to bed. I awake again at about 6:30. It is time for me to go to work. My family unit learns of my adventure and tells me to go to the ER. I tell them no but they have the advantage. As I was to weak to fight them.
So I go to the hospital where I learn that I have dangerously low blood pressure. They shoot me up with fluids and stick a probe down my throat. They couldn't knock me out for this because my blood pressure is to low. Thus I am fully continuous during the procedure where they went down my throat and probed my stomach. Where they found a hole that needed to be cauterized. They cauterized the hole and away I went back to recovery. Now I was good to go. But the Dr's think that I am a candy ass. Fuckers think that I need new blood so they decide to give me some one elses. This would be cool but one its not the blood of the Traitor or Alex. Second I wasn't allowed to drink it.
I get the blood and they say that I have to spend the night. Okay whatever. The next day roles around and can you believe the nerve of those assholes. They move me from my bitchen suite and give me a room mate. I am angered by this but must contain my rage. I shall channel it for upcoming battles to be done in the name of the Emperor. They also give me liquid Iron which is fucking cool. Because I am made out of Carbon, and they are injecting me with Iron. Those are the two base elements needed to make Steel. This means that I will be known as Stalin if I ever go to Russia.
I did have a shit load of hotties come by and see me. That was nice as they were very fair to look at and gave me a second reason to live on (the first being to fight for the Emperor) And a few of my bros came by to. Delta Leader showed up just to make sure I hadn't turned into a pussy. Lucky for the both of us I was a hard core mother fucker.
So now I look back and realize that this shit was very serious however I knew I could not die. Crom will not allow such things to happen. For I have not gained enough valor to pl;ease him. Thus I shall continue on with a new vigor in the quest for the secret of steel and the accumulation of massive quantities of Valor.
Whats that your wondering? How did I loose so much blood and it wasn't in battle? Well it all starts back when I took an aspirin now normally I don't like to take pain killers of any kind because as Dalton has made it very clear PAIN DON'T HURT. But I was feeling a bit off that day and instead of manning it up like I should I took an aspirin. No I didn't take one aspirin I took TWO!!! This was last Thursday. I go about my business on Thursday, no problems. I go about my business, no problems. Saturday rolls around. No problems until close to midnight when I feel a little nautious . Oh no big problem.
I decide to take a shower because I was a bit manly smelling and I had to get up early for work anyway and if I knock my shower out then I can sleep in an extra half hour. Well guess what. I throw up. The thing is I don't throw up. That would imply that what I did was some what normal. No its more like a volcano erupted out of my mouth. The stuff that came out of my mouth besides last nights steak dinner, was brownish and tar like. I was a bit confused even as it was erupting from the depths of my body. I didn't remember eating tar or anything that brown. I collapsed in the shower as I was feeling light headed. I examined the brown stuff and realized upon the closer inspection that the this was not food at all but blood. I then felt incredibly dizzy and collapsed. I should have drowned in the shower in a puddle of my own congealed blood. But Crom willed me to live on. He knew that I had many more battles to fight. That my death can only be in the name of the Immortal God Emperor Norris.
So I awoke and cleaned up the shower as best I could. Unfortunately there was so much blood, it had spilled out of the confines of the shower. I then slapped a towel around my cock and put a t shirt and under wear on. I then went back to bed.
I awoke but an hour later with an incredible urge to shit. I crawled out of bed and BANG. I awake with my head on the weight scale on the floor of the bathroom. This does not deter me. I crawl onto my might thrown and shit a mighty shit. I wipe my ass and look back upon what I left behind.
What I saw would have ripped the souls out of lesser men, tried those whose hearts are not pure, those who do not see the guiding light of the Emperor. No swirling around in that pool was not of this earth and the shit water even had a blood red hue. (No shitting, pardon the pun) I wipe my ass and go back to bed. I awake again at about 6:30. It is time for me to go to work. My family unit learns of my adventure and tells me to go to the ER. I tell them no but they have the advantage. As I was to weak to fight them.
So I go to the hospital where I learn that I have dangerously low blood pressure. They shoot me up with fluids and stick a probe down my throat. They couldn't knock me out for this because my blood pressure is to low. Thus I am fully continuous during the procedure where they went down my throat and probed my stomach. Where they found a hole that needed to be cauterized. They cauterized the hole and away I went back to recovery. Now I was good to go. But the Dr's think that I am a candy ass. Fuckers think that I need new blood so they decide to give me some one elses. This would be cool but one its not the blood of the Traitor or Alex. Second I wasn't allowed to drink it.
I get the blood and they say that I have to spend the night. Okay whatever. The next day roles around and can you believe the nerve of those assholes. They move me from my bitchen suite and give me a room mate. I am angered by this but must contain my rage. I shall channel it for upcoming battles to be done in the name of the Emperor. They also give me liquid Iron which is fucking cool. Because I am made out of Carbon, and they are injecting me with Iron. Those are the two base elements needed to make Steel. This means that I will be known as Stalin if I ever go to Russia.
I did have a shit load of hotties come by and see me. That was nice as they were very fair to look at and gave me a second reason to live on (the first being to fight for the Emperor) And a few of my bros came by to. Delta Leader showed up just to make sure I hadn't turned into a pussy. Lucky for the both of us I was a hard core mother fucker.
So now I look back and realize that this shit was very serious however I knew I could not die. Crom will not allow such things to happen. For I have not gained enough valor to pl;ease him. Thus I shall continue on with a new vigor in the quest for the secret of steel and the accumulation of massive quantities of Valor.
posted by Delta2 at 7:15 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home