Children of Men Review

Spoilers...If you don't want to know the plot then don't read, any further

LOLZ MY UNION JACK IS BLACK

Children of Men is a film that says hey asshole you need to appreciate your reproductive organs.

So the movie is about Clive Owen and Micheal Caine, and their quest t0 find the very best weed in the world, and to save humanity form extinction. I can not be held accountable for the accuracy of this review

In the year 2027 humanity has lost it ability to reproduce. Not one baby has been born since 2009. And the worlds youngest person has been stabbed to death because he was "a wanker". This makes a bunch of people cry because Baby Deago was a symbol or something, it doesnt matter because some one blows up a cafe. Clive Owen was like holy shit some asshat tried to blow a pimp up. (Specificly Clive Owen being the pimp)

Fuck Tha Police

So Clive goes to work and sees all these fat bitchy looking ladies crying over the death of Baby Deago. Clive being a BAMF decides to use his bosses sadness and pretends that he can't work because he is so upset over Deago.

He takes the day off to spend time with Micheal Caine. They decide to smoke lots of pot and listen to Metal because Clive Owen and Micheal Caine are two of the most manly Brits on earth. We find out that every other nation has crumbled because of the despair humanity has because of the sterility of every woman on earth.

When this man asks you to pull his finger you better do it

This is just a theory but I believe that either controlled demolition made all the women sterile or Chuck Norris decided to launch himself into space and thus his beard was unable to protect womens ovaries from ultra violet rays from the sun

So Great Britain is the only stable nation on earth and thus has decided to deal with all of the illegal immigrants by sending them to internment camps for no good reason. Clive Owen decides that he needs to get cash so he pretends to help these crazy terrorist freedom fighters lead by Julian Moore. Shes also Clive Owens ex wife. He gets them some papers that will allow people to travel across the island. Unfortunately she wont pay him his money until he escorts this girl to her destination.

Some flirting goes on and then Julian Moore gets shot. Then Clive Owen gets really pissed because he was about to get laid. So he kicks a guy off of a motor cycle. They then get pulled over by the cops and lets just say them cops got caps in there asses.

Clive finds out that the girl he was supposed to protect is pregnant. He's like Oh Shit is Chuck Norris back? They decided to escape because Clive Owen doesn't like Terrorists, and the Terrorist Julian Moore led were going to use the girl as a reason to overthrow the Queen.

So they escape, and meet up with Micheal Caine. Micheal Caine smokes more pot with Clive Owen as they decide to go into one of the internment camps because internment camps are cool. So Micheal Cain goes and sells a guard some pot so they can all get into the internment camp.

The terrorists find Micheal Caines pad. Clive and company escape while Micheal Caine holds them off. Micheal Cain is so stoned that he doesn't kill the terrorists but instead tells them to pull his finger. They shoot him. Micheal Caine gets back up and asks them to pull his finger again. They shoot him again. Micheal Caine gets up yet again and asks if they can pull his finger (Micheal Caine must have had alot of gas for him to not even notice the bullets in his chest) They shoot him for the last time. Micheal Caine lays down and takes a nap in his stoned and bloody state.

Clive Owen meets a stoned prison guard named Sid. Sid speaks in the third person which is awesome. They get into the internment camp and the girl has the baby. Now this is the first baby to be born in 18 years and needless to say its very unsettling to everybody who has come to the conclusion that humanity was screwed.

Did you pull Micheal Caines finger?

The terrorists show up and start fighting the Royal Army. Lots of inocents civilians die in the cross fire. Clive Owen a BAMF because he runs around bare foot while this shit is going down. He and the girl make it to a row boat and row to a buoy, where they will be picked up by nice people. Clive rows the girl and her baby all the way out and they watch as the RAF pounded the fuck out of the internment camp. Then the black girl freaks out because she sees about a thousand gallons of blood in the boat. Clive says "Thats right bitch I rowed all the way out here and I'm full of bullets." He then took a nap for doing such a good job of rowing.

The movie ends with the girl being picked up by the boat.

In conclusion I think this movie shows why you don't fuck with Britain in a post apocalyptic futrue and why smoking pot is cool when your name is Micheal Caine.

I give 37 kicks in the face to Children of Men. And I give Clive Owen 73 kicks to the face and Micheal Caine 6785 kicks to the face.