Epic Tales Episode 1
Ash Wednesday, Lent, and Easter
If your like me than you have no idea what the hell Ash Wednesday is. I thought it was a stupid Catholic holiday. I was wrong. I learned of the true meaning of Ash Wednesday from an evil scroll of epic tales. I'll share these epic tales with you as time goes on.
Ash Wednesday started out like a regular day. This changed though when Joan of Arc decided to raid Chuck Norris's Fridge and ate all of the meat products in his fridge. Jesus the Christ was Chuck Norris's roommate at the time. Jesus said that it was not cool that Joan just ate all of Chucks Steaks. Being a bitch she told him that she ate Chucks steaks for the good of France which was in a war with Sparta.
Ironicly eno
ugh Chuck Norris was visiting his good friend Vin Diesel King of Sparta. Vin invited Chuck over for supper but Chuck declined because he had a phat juicy steak waiting in his fridge.
Jesus feared for the lives of all humanity. He quickly told the British (a neutral party in the French Spartan War) to burn Joan for being a heretic for her crimes against Chuck Norris. That is why we call it Ash Wednesday because of the ash that occurred from the burning. He then fabricated a lie that would cover up why the fridge was meat less.
When Norris came home ready to eat a phat steak he found his fridge empty of all manner of animal flesh. He was very angry and destroyed Atlantis. Jesus told him that the meat had been lent to the Spartan army so that France could be destroyed so much the sooner.
Lord Norris was fooled for exactly 40 days until Judas told him that Jesus had actually killed Joan of Arc for eating all of his meat and that he had lied about the loan to the Spartans. Chuck Norris was pleased that Joan was dead. But he was very angry that Jesus lied to him for so long. So Chuck gave Jesus a choice. Either Jesus could live with him on top Mt Norris for ever and watch as the evil alien overlord Xenu killed every human on earth. Or he could be crucified and Norris would continue to protect humanity.
Jesus gave his life to save all of us. You better thank Jesus because the only reason Xenu isn't in charge is because of his self sacrifice. Catholics eat fish during lent to honor the sacrifice Chuck Norris went through during those dark days. I for one want to honor those Spartans who died during the war and thus eat many kilos worth of meat in their honor. Chuck Norris created Islam just so he could fight them in the crusades. The French created the croissant to remind them of the mighty crescent punch the Spartans gave them during the war.
Thats the real story of Ash Wednesday, Lent, and Easter.
Mohamed is Arabic for Chuck Norris
If your like me than you have no idea what the hell Ash Wednesday is. I thought it was a stupid Catholic holiday. I was wrong. I learned of the true meaning of Ash Wednesday from an evil scroll of epic tales. I'll share these epic tales with you as time goes on.
Ash Wednesday started out like a regular day. This changed though when Joan of Arc decided to raid Chuck Norris's Fridge and ate all of the meat products in his fridge. Jesus the Christ was Chuck Norris's roommate at the time. Jesus said that it was not cool that Joan just ate all of Chucks Steaks. Being a bitch she told him that she ate Chucks steaks for the good of France which was in a war with Sparta.
Ironicly eno
ugh Chuck Norris was visiting his good friend Vin Diesel King of Sparta. Vin invited Chuck over for supper but Chuck declined because he had a phat juicy steak waiting in his fridge.Jesus feared for the lives of all humanity. He quickly told the British (a neutral party in the French Spartan War) to burn Joan for being a heretic for her crimes against Chuck Norris. That is why we call it Ash Wednesday because of the ash that occurred from the burning. He then fabricated a lie that would cover up why the fridge was meat less.
When Norris came home ready to eat a phat steak he found his fridge empty of all manner of animal flesh. He was very angry and destroyed Atlantis. Jesus told him that the meat had been lent to the Spartan army so that France could be destroyed so much the sooner.
Lord Norris was fooled for exactly 40 days until Judas told him that Jesus had actually killed Joan of Arc for eating all of his meat and that he had lied about the loan to the Spartans. Chuck Norris was pleased that Joan was dead. But he was very angry that Jesus lied to him for so long. So Chuck gave Jesus a choice. Either Jesus could live with him on top Mt Norris for ever and watch as the evil alien overlord Xenu killed every human on earth. Or he could be crucified and Norris would continue to protect humanity.
Jesus gave his life to save all of us. You better thank Jesus because the only reason Xenu isn't in charge is because of his self sacrifice. Catholics eat fish during lent to honor the sacrifice Chuck Norris went through during those dark days. I for one want to honor those Spartans who died during the war and thus eat many kilos worth of meat in their honor. Chuck Norris created Islam just so he could fight them in the crusades. The French created the croissant to remind them of the mighty crescent punch the Spartans gave them during the war.
Thats the real story of Ash Wednesday, Lent, and Easter.
Mohamed is Arabic for Chuck Norris
posted by Delta2 at 7:48 PM
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