McBain Review

Fear the Walken

When oppressive governments kill civilians who do you call? McBain! Who do you call when evil corporations are running amok in your country? McBain! Who do you call when you need every motha fucking person dead? McBain!

McBain! is the most pimp movie of all time. It stars Christipher Walken as McBain! and he means business. It starts out at the end of the Vietnam War where a group of Rangers stumble onto a POW camp. They free the only prisoner. Its none other than McBain! McBain! tells the Rangers that if they are ever killed and there family members want revenge then he'll be the guy to do it.

McBain! gets a call from one of the Ranges sisters. Apparently the Ex Ranger decided he didn't like the Columbian government and attempted a coup. It failed and he was executed for his crimes. The Columbian President thought his position was safe. He didn't count on McBain!

McBain gives a call to all of his Ranger friends. He tells them that a whole country full of wankers is ripe for conquest. But first they need money to start the epic crusade to Columbia. So they go and kill drug dealers and take all of the dope so that they can sell it to school children. After cornering the drug trafficking market its time for our epic band of Rangers and McBain! to leave. They fly to Columbia in a beat up old plane. A jet comes by and helps shoot down half of the Columbian Air Force. McBain! personally sticks his head out of his plane and head shots a pilot with his M9.

They land and Micheal Ironside shoots down several jets with his massive penis. McBain! then goes and pretends to help a dieing child. But actually he stole her soul to power himself. (McBain! runs off of souls not food) He fooled the local Columbian populas to allow him to declare himself emperor if he over throws the Government for them.

McBain! then decides to head to the capital. By this point in the film he has personally killed at least a hundred people, and his Ranger friends have killed over 9000 others. McBain! goes on a rampage all through the capital. They decide that they need to use a huge truck to break through the capital compound. McBain! forces one of his friends to drive it through the front gate. This plan seems simple enough except McBain! forces the man to drive the entire time and thus he is killed in a massive explosion. McBain! then goes and procedes to kill the entire Columbian army on his way to assasinate the President.

When the President is murdered by McBain! every one rejoices and then bows down to McBain!
Micheal Ironside is very happy because he gets to be coEmperor of Columbia.

This film is a monument the American spirit. It will forever be known as the bloodiest movie of the 1990s. I would give this film a rating of at least a hundred kicks in the face but that would anger Christopher Walken. So I have to give this movie a rating of over 9000 Kicks in the face.






McBain! is gonna kill ur ass.