How to act like a BAMF even if your not
Some times its hard being a BAMF. Some times you can't reach the next level of BAMFness. Thats okay because you can always lie to people and pretend to be a BAMF. Lying is only bad if you get caught so just make sure that you cockslap anyone who calls you on it. Thus you'll be more manly in the end due to your massive bitch slapping of that goodie goodie.
BAMF LESSON #1
When you meet some one new always act as if you want to do bodily harm to them. This lets them know that your the pimp and you have just decided to make them your Bitch.
Example: Scott is introducing you to his friend Phil.
Scott: I want you to meet my friend Phil.
You: Your not Phil... I watched him die.
This lets every one know that you kill people and puts every one on edge. People feeling uncomfortable around you is extreamly manly and is desired if you want to be BAMF
BAMF LESSON #2
When asked if you did time in the service make a vague refrence to the battles you have faught and how people who haven't done time in the military are a bunch of candy asses.
Example: An old timer asks you if you plan on joining the military and go over to Iraq.
Oldtimer: When I was your age I was going hand to hand with the Japs
You: Japs you say, Those guys were candy asses compared to the Mexicans... We lost a lot of g
ood men in Mexico City. God damn kids these days don't even learn how to kill, isn't that right old timer?
You get points for belittling what the real Vet has done while at the same time making them think your war weary. Make sure you throw the Thousand yard stare around liberally. This technique works well with women as well.
Tell them that you killed Mech Hitler
BAMF LESSON #3
When shaking another persons hand make sure your grip is always tighter than theirs. Its a good way of letting them know that your the man and that they are just limp risted pansies.
Example: You have just gone into your job review and have recieved a $4 an hour raise.
Boss: Keep up the good work.
You: I'll give it my all (Your hand should be on his in a vice like grip, remember to keep your eyes locked on his and that you do not show any sign of strain as you squeeze his bones to the breaking point)
Boss: AHHHHHH(your bosses hand should be a shattered lump as you have crushed it in your python like grip)
You have just proved that your the man even to a guy who can be considered the man. It will also teach your boss to give you better raises.
BAMF LESSON#4
Change your diet to a more manly one. Nothing says manly more than hot sauce. So drink it like you would drink water. You should eat meat, lots and lots of meat. Preferably raw meat as it shows that you laugh in the face of food poisoning.
Example: You go out to your favorite eatery and ordering a steak.
Waitress: So what would you like?
You: I will have your largest steak covered in insanity sauce and a tall glass of Tabasco.
Waitress: how would you like your steak cooked?
You: Did I stutter bitch? I never mentioned cooking of my steak, I want it as raw as the dog I ran over and ate while I was on my way to this fine eating establishment.
You'll apear manly because you mentioned how you were able to hunt down a helpless animal and killed it with your massive automobile and then ate it. People will beleive your one with nature because you left no waste of the dog.
BAMF LESSON #5
When faced with a moron it is very acceptable to curb stomp them
Example: Your enjoying a discussion about computers with your friends over a meal of hot wings.
Mitch: I kind of like Mac OS
You: Microsoft is the best because we all know Bill Gates is in league with the Prince of Darkness.
Shane: Guys I don't play video games any more.
You: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT
Scott: We weren't even talking about video games you ass hat.
Mitch: This was the last straw Shane its time for us to curb stomp your dumb ass.
Wearing boots is desired as you want to leave a maximum amount of damage to the moron. Hopefully if Pavlov is right the moron will learn not to speak at all and you'll be free of idiocy.
These are just a few techniques you can use to make yourself a bigger bad ass. Its encouraged to find other ways to make yourself more manly, the skies the limit to what you can do. Good luck on your epic quest to being a BAMF
Adam Baldwin BAMF
An inspiration to what we can archive in BAMFness
BAMF LESSON #1
When you meet some one new always act as if you want to do bodily harm to them. This lets them know that your the pimp and you have just decided to make them your Bitch.
Example: Scott is introducing you to his friend Phil.
Scott: I want you to meet my friend Phil.
You: Your not Phil... I watched him die.
This lets every one know that you kill people and puts every one on edge. People feeling uncomfortable around you is extreamly manly and is desired if you want to be BAMF
BAMF LESSON #2
When asked if you did time in the service make a vague refrence to the battles you have faught and how people who haven't done time in the military are a bunch of candy asses.
Example: An old timer asks you if you plan on joining the military and go over to Iraq.
Oldtimer: When I was your age I was going hand to hand with the Japs
You: Japs you say, Those guys were candy asses compared to the Mexicans... We lost a lot of g
ood men in Mexico City. God damn kids these days don't even learn how to kill, isn't that right old timer?You get points for belittling what the real Vet has done while at the same time making them think your war weary. Make sure you throw the Thousand yard stare around liberally. This technique works well with women as well.
Tell them that you killed Mech Hitler
BAMF LESSON #3
When shaking another persons hand make sure your grip is always tighter than theirs. Its a good way of letting them know that your the man and that they are just limp risted pansies.
Example: You have just gone into your job review and have recieved a $4 an hour raise.
Boss: Keep up the good work.
You: I'll give it my all (Your hand should be on his in a vice like grip, remember to keep your eyes locked on his and that you do not show any sign of strain as you squeeze his bones to the breaking point)
Boss: AHHHHHH(your bosses hand should be a shattered lump as you have crushed it in your python like grip)
You have just proved that your the man even to a guy who can be considered the man. It will also teach your boss to give you better raises.
BAMF LESSON#4
Change your diet to a more manly one. Nothing says manly more than hot sauce. So drink it like you would drink water. You should eat meat, lots and lots of meat. Preferably raw meat as it shows that you laugh in the face of food poisoning.
Example: You go out to your favorite eatery and ordering a steak.
Waitress: So what would you like?
You: I will have your largest steak covered in insanity sauce and a tall glass of Tabasco.
Waitress: how would you like your steak cooked?
You: Did I stutter bitch? I never mentioned cooking of my steak, I want it as raw as the dog I ran over and ate while I was on my way to this fine eating establishment.
You'll apear manly because you mentioned how you were able to hunt down a helpless animal and killed it with your massive automobile and then ate it. People will beleive your one with nature because you left no waste of the dog.
BAMF LESSON #5
When faced with a moron it is very acceptable to curb stomp them
Example: Your enjoying a discussion about computers with your friends over a meal of hot wings.
Mitch: I kind of like Mac OS
You: Microsoft is the best because we all know Bill Gates is in league with the Prince of Darkness.
Shane: Guys I don't play video games any more.
You: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT
Scott: We weren't even talking about video games you ass hat.
Mitch: This was the last straw Shane its time for us to curb stomp your dumb ass.
Wearing boots is desired as you want to leave a maximum amount of damage to the moron. Hopefully if Pavlov is right the moron will learn not to speak at all and you'll be free of idiocy.
These are just a few techniques you can use to make yourself a bigger bad ass. Its encouraged to find other ways to make yourself more manly, the skies the limit to what you can do. Good luck on your epic quest to being a BAMF
Adam Baldwin BAMF
An inspiration to what we can archive in BAMFness
posted by Delta2 at 8:17 PM
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