Crom I have never prayed to you before.

Some people find Jesus after living wicked lives filled with crack, breeding hundreds of crack children, and feeding off of John and Jane Doe American taxpayer. I haven't found Jesus. Instead I found Crom.

I realized that Crom is my deity when I updated my enemies list and it came down to it that everyone of my enemies are doing far worse than me in life. I thought that my prayers to god that all of my enemies would either die or destroy their lives was being answered by Jehovah but then it occurred to me that Jehovah never answers prayers especially of this nature. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, Crom!

Crom is a great god. He is only pleased when he sees valor and victory. Crom unlike other gods doesn't listen to your prayers about getting that next raise or getting laid. NO! Crom is angered by those kind of prayers. He will come out of his mountain and beat you to an inch of your life.

Crom lives high up in his mountain where he is able to bring doom upon his enemies. Crom sits at Valhalla and when I arrive he will ask me the riddle of steel. If I answer it wrong than he will laugh at me and cast me out of Valhalla. That is why anyone who wants to enter Valhalla must learn how to pwn like the Spartans.

Another reason to convert to Crom is the deal with the after life. If you worship Crom and live your life as a warrior then you will be ready to enter Valhalla where you may battle for all eternity. If you stay with Jehovah's you will probably go to Hell or Purgatory. Because lets face it only the goodliest of goodies get in to heaven like the Mormons. But Crom doesn't care if you were good or bad. He only cares that you killed with valor.

So thats why I worship Crom. Your welcome to pray to Crom, but pray at your own risk because he will hurt you bad if you don't please him
Conan prayed to Crom and now he is an Intergalactic Pimp