80s Action Week: Die Hard

Because Live Free Or Die Hard came out this week I will be finishing our royal rumble through the 80s with Die Hard. Considered to be the greatest of the already excellent Die Hard series, Die Hard shows us how you can actually make an 80s action movie with little camp and still loads and loads of fun.

Gipper Approved?
If Reagan were alive today, he would still have the hard on that Bruce Willis gave him in 1988. Officer McClane likes to fight crime with his own set of rules, and anyone else will just get in his way, anyone like those liberal pansies in congress, who make it so high expl0sives aren't put in the hands of every security guard in the country.

One Liners:
(This one defined a generation)
McClane-Yippee-Ki-Yay Mother Fucker
McClane-Geronimo, Motherfucker!
McClane-You should have heard your brother squeal when I broke his fucking neck.

Post Mortem One Liners:
Note-Now I have a machine gun. Ho Ho Ho

Gratuitous Acts Of Violence?
John McClane practically killed killed every terrorist in that entire movie. He shot and beat most of his kills. We also get several massive explosions destroying an APC and a Helicopter. My favorite kills were when he wrapped a chain around Karl's throat and hanging Karl. And the other time was when McClane shot a terrorists kneecaps out and the terrorist fell into a window splitting his head open with the fall. Of course we have a corpse kill because this is the 80s. Karl comes back to life for no reason what so ever and appears with a rifle, he is about to shoot McClane but is shot in the head by Carl Winslow from the show Family Matters. I really don't know how Karl came back from the dead but it was pretty cool watching him die in slow motion.

McClane says FUCK TEH POLICE because he plays by his own set of rules

Sexual Content?

No sex for Officer McClane. But it is implied rather heavily that he will get much sex after killing so many bad guys. We see 4 sets of tits which is relatively weak when you think that the setting is a Christmas party at an office building in the 80s. We don't get to see any man ass as I guess they decided to keep the gay at the bare minimum. Women however were brutalized as a pregnant woman was kept in an uncomfortable position for several hours. And then McClanes bitch wife was held as a hostage and almost thrown out a window.

Thats what happened after McClane walked down the street with a massive erection...There were no survivors

No One Not Even You Will Remember if We Were Good Men Or Bad?
Hell Die Hard is the example in which all good action movies should follow. You have Bruce Willis who could kick the shit out of Bin Laden if he was ever walking around in Afghanistan. The bad guys were acted with the slightest of camp factor but only the slightest. The action was well paced and done well. You could tell that this movie had a good budget and it was worth every penny.

Misc?
Was there a nuclear blast? No
Was some one kicked in the face? No
Did a building explode? Oh yes thats the premise of the evil terrorist attack.
Did somthing explode for no reason? Nope everything exploded because the terrorists liked explosives.

Die Hard is the shit. 5809 kicks to the face...enough said