Happy Birthday Pwingingindahood

Yes its been one year since I first put words on this blank expanse of the intranetz. I do believe they were a bitch fest about people liking to have fun. Funny thing is I still hate that fraze, but I've learned to love the people who say them. For if it weren't for those bumbling morons I wouldn't have any material to write about.

I thought that I would let you in on how I write a blog. First I will go about life. Maybe I'll be at school, or at work. Or even hanging out with other pimps at the anual Pimp Ball. Where ever I may be I am on the look out for n00bs and simpletons. Now I will go and take the idea that I have been given from the out side world. I will then beat one of my many hoes who are not earning enough cash for a pimp to deck out his caddy with style. Then I will travel to the Labyrinth of Despair where I go to the altar of Crom and pray to him. I generally will tell him that I have never prayed to him before and that if he does not answer my prayers, then to hell with him.

After my prayers to Crom are done then I work on the deadliest martial art known to the gods. Its called Norris-Fu. I am but an amateur at the most deadly martial art because of course anyone who gets anywhere near profitant is instantly decapitated by a swift round house kick from Chuck Norris himself. After I am done training I will go and drink at least one hundred litters of Jack Daniel. After I am good and wasted I will sit down at Sulaco (my current PC) and type out a blog. Generally I only spend about 30 seconds on the actual concept of the blog.

Yes thats exactly how I prepare for any and all of my blogs.

I want to thank my small die hard of three or five guys who actually read my material. I would especially like to thank Scott for without him I would have quit like a pussy a long assed time ago. Thanks buddy for helping me spiral down the path of insanity and write a few funny blogs along the way.

Tribute to a BAMF: President Charlton Heston

Charlton Heston or as I like to call him Mr President, is in need of recognition for his work as a BAMF. You See Charlton Heston's rank as a patron saint is a bit miss leading. You see to be a patron saint you must be mortal. And President Heston is no mortal man. Charlton Heston is a god. Plain and simple he lives among Chuck Norris and Crom, the two most powerful gods in the universe. Although he is a lesser deity you should never ever question his BAMFness or else you will be ripped to pieces by his war dogs.

Charlton Heston has done more for mankind than you will ever know. For he was Crom's apprentice. He learned of Steel and he learned how to forge it. He killed scores of Persians after his dear friend Leonidas of Sparta fell in battle. Charlton cried for the loss of one of The Immortal God Emperors sons. He vowed to never allow this to happen again.
President Heston looks stoically on the field where he just killed 20,000 Egyptian children

Heston forged a new weapon out of Steel. This one he combined with his knowledge of alchemy and chemistry. He created the Model 1911 .45 pistole. The finest hand gun ever created. President Heston then went on and created other fine fire arms and gave them to the children of Norris.

Entire continents were then conquered by but a handful of men with these new awesome gifts from the gods. Man rejoiced and worshiped Heston. They created the National Rifle Association and elected Heston as the President. Some say the NRA has the power to create dinasties, to build empires and to wipe out entire species. Those people would be correct.
He enjoys walks on the beach, pina coladas, and killing!!!

Charlton Heston once had an apprentice much like he was once Crom's apprentice. The apprentice was named John Browning and he created the finest weapons ever to be put on the field of battle, besides Chainsaws and Chuck Norris himself of course.

Currently my President has been working on narrating the Epic known as Chuck Norris and Friends. The book even has tales about how Heston brought the Hebrews out of Egypt after they killed all the Egyptian children one night. Heston also likes to freeze himself and wake up in the future just so he can kill intelligent apes.

President Heston's gift of guns to man is one that will forever allow us to be even more violent than we could ever imagine. Because of his deep kindness I vote for him in every election.