Stop Being Fake, Bitch

You know what really makes me rage full? Fucking girls who change up their appearance.

Because Europe is well known for its sunny weather and extremely tanned people

Fact: I live in Minnesota. It is fucking COLD!!!

If you walk by with a sun tan in the middle of February I know that it is fake. It is in fact sickening seeing you turn your skin to leather while my ass and face are the same color because I haven't seen the sun in five months. How come you show up with a perfect tan? Some may retort that these girls just came back from vacation from a warm resort. Nice try asshole. But if you just came from a tropical paradise that you had been at for a week you would not have a bitchen tan. Instead you would have a not so bitchen sun burn. For you normal people this would be very painful. For me it would not hurt. Because PAIN DON'T HURT.

My second part to this rant is the wounder bra. As much as I love to see cleavage and I do love it. I feel as if I am being lied too. For some women who look like they have C cups actually are flat chested transvestites. FUCK THEM I say. I guess I just like to know what I'm getting before I buy it. Like the burger on the menu at McD's always looks better than the shit you buy.

I just want honesty when it comes to my women. Because who knows that really innocent looking girl may have actually had 37 cocks inside her already.

The Time I Almost Died

So I'm sitting in the hospital once again. This time I almost died. And it wasn't in glorious battle. The good news is that there was a fuck load of blood. 4 pints to be exact. Now I'm no biologist but I do know that the Human body carries about 6 quarts and it takes 2 pints to make a quart. So if I was a larger male that would mean that I lost 1/3rd of all the blood in my body. The thing is that I'm a very small male thus I probably lost about half of all the blood in my body.

Whats that your wondering? How did I loose so much blood and it wasn't in battle? Well it all starts back when I took an aspirin now normally I don't like to take pain killers of any kind because as Dalton has made it very clear PAIN DON'T HURT. But I was feeling a bit off that day and instead of manning it up like I should I took an aspirin. No I didn't take one aspirin I took TWO!!! This was last Thursday. I go about my business on Thursday, no problems. I go about my business, no problems. Saturday rolls around. No problems until close to midnight when I feel a little nautious . Oh no big problem.

I decide to take a shower because I was a bit manly smelling and I had to get up early for work anyway and if I knock my shower out then I can sleep in an extra half hour. Well guess what. I throw up. The thing is I don't throw up. That would imply that what I did was some what normal. No its more like a volcano erupted out of my mouth. The stuff that came out of my mouth besides last nights steak dinner, was brownish and tar like. I was a bit confused even as it was erupting from the depths of my body. I didn't remember eating tar or anything that brown. I collapsed in the shower as I was feeling light headed. I examined the brown stuff and realized upon the closer inspection that the this was not food at all but blood. I then felt incredibly dizzy and collapsed. I should have drowned in the shower in a puddle of my own congealed blood. But Crom willed me to live on. He knew that I had many more battles to fight. That my death can only be in the name of the Immortal God Emperor Norris.

So I awoke and cleaned up the shower as best I could. Unfortunately there was so much blood, it had spilled out of the confines of the shower. I then slapped a towel around my cock and put a t shirt and under wear on. I then went back to bed.

I awoke but an hour later with an incredible urge to shit. I crawled out of bed and BANG. I awake with my head on the weight scale on the floor of the bathroom. This does not deter me. I crawl onto my might thrown and shit a mighty shit. I wipe my ass and look back upon what I left behind.

What I saw would have ripped the souls out of lesser men, tried those whose hearts are not pure, those who do not see the guiding light of the Emperor. No swirling around in that pool was not of this earth and the shit water even had a blood red hue. (No shitting, pardon the pun) I wipe my ass and go back to bed. I awake again at about 6:30. It is time for me to go to work. My family unit learns of my adventure and tells me to go to the ER. I tell them no but they have the advantage. As I was to weak to fight them.

So I go to the hospital where I learn that I have dangerously low blood pressure. They shoot me up with fluids and stick a probe down my throat. They couldn't knock me out for this because my blood pressure is to low. Thus I am fully continuous during the procedure where they went down my throat and probed my stomach. Where they found a hole that needed to be cauterized. They cauterized the hole and away I went back to recovery. Now I was good to go. But the Dr's think that I am a candy ass. Fuckers think that I need new blood so they decide to give me some one elses. This would be cool but one its not the blood of the Traitor or Alex. Second I wasn't allowed to drink it.

I get the blood and they say that I have to spend the night. Okay whatever. The next day roles around and can you believe the nerve of those assholes. They move me from my bitchen suite and give me a room mate. I am angered by this but must contain my rage. I shall channel it for upcoming battles to be done in the name of the Emperor. They also give me liquid Iron which is fucking cool. Because I am made out of Carbon, and they are injecting me with Iron. Those are the two base elements needed to make Steel. This means that I will be known as Stalin if I ever go to Russia.

I did have a shit load of hotties come by and see me. That was nice as they were very fair to look at and gave me a second reason to live on (the first being to fight for the Emperor) And a few of my bros came by to. Delta Leader showed up just to make sure I hadn't turned into a pussy. Lucky for the both of us I was a hard core mother fucker.

So now I look back and realize that this shit was very serious however I knew I could not die. Crom will not allow such things to happen. For I have not gained enough valor to pl;ease him. Thus I shall continue on with a new vigor in the quest for the secret of steel and the accumulation of massive quantities of Valor.

Trivia Weekend Part 2

OH HELL YES SON! Thats right we are on our second day of our pimpin run of Trivia. It looks like Japan is one fucked up place. Because they are always being attacked by Monsters.

KAIJU

Even though I love Godzilla I still have to point this out. The Japanese love watching Tokyo get all fucked up by giant monsters. Its as if they want to see themselves all killed in the most epic awesome royal rumble of all time. Whatever the reason for this obsession which I have a feeling is because of the very effective bombing campaign conducted by the US Army Air Corp.

Since this is a fairly self explanatory rant I'm just going to post some pics and leave it at that, besides I've got to work on some more epic trivia questions.

This SHIT is Awesome!
Kaiju Big Battle is number one sport in Japan.

Godzilla tells American Godzilla lick his balls.

Trivia Weekend Part 1

Well well looks like its that time of year again and in honor of my brother Blog Livin' The Nerdlife. This year the Trivia weekend theme is Politics so I thought that we should do a three part examination of Japan as it has politics of some form and another and I want to point out why the politics of Japan are stupid plain and simple. So lets kick off my examination of Japan on our epic trivia filled weekend marathon.

AIR SHIPS

So I have only been around for 21 odd years so I may be wrong but it seems to me that the Japanese have a sick obsession with air ships I don't know what it is but if you ever play any video games made in Japan you are probably going to run in to at least one of these floating monstrosities. When I was recovering from my surgery a few months ago I would keep Adult Swim on all night because I had trouble sleeping. So I got to see more stupid Air Ships when Adult Swim played its Anime.

All you need is a couple of F-16s and you'll fuck those asshats up

For instance take Ace Combat 6. A fun air combat game except for two flaws. One was a stupid Japanese plot that we will get to later on during the weekend. The second was a fucking air ship. It flew around consumed more jet fuel than the US military does during its Red Flag exercise. So this air ship flies around and does what? it houses a squadron of fighters and carries cruise missiles. Well fuck me. Looks like a Nimitz Class Aircraft Carrier does the same fucking thing. Even though a Nimitz isn't a sparkling example of keeping costs down I can still guarantee you that with its nuclear reactor its going to be cheaper to run than a fucking air ship that has to stay in the air 24/7.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?

Not only is it a stupid military concept that can and is done cheaper, but the damn mission makes it a bitch to kill. In real life you don't have to do much to a jet to bring it out of the air. Hell a fucking bird sucked into its intake can bring one down. Yet I have to shoot every gun, missile battery, and engine off of it before I can even make my final attack run on the mother fucker. The fucking airship wont go down until I shoot out the bridge. What is this fucking Star Wars. Its called gravity. Sir Issac Newton is rolling in his grave. If an aircraft that stays aloft by way its engines than it must fall back to earth when they are not running. Not when the command and control is finally blown to hell.

Then you get the air ships from the Final Fantasy games which can go from blimps all the way to flying city thing. Some of them even have cannon like the ones found on old Man O Wars. Of course the armourments on these air ships are even more stupid than the ones found in Ace Combat Six. At least that one had missiles and shit. Fucking Cannon are shit. Hell the AC 130 Specter Gunship found in the US Air force has a cannon and thats a 105 mm Howitzer and it blows shit up nice. But I can guarantee you that the ones found in Final Fantasy games are breach loaders. I bet those things don't even have rifling.

I asked the Anime nerds at school whats the deal with Japans obcession with these flying machines and the best I got from them is that Japan is a small country and thus to find room they dream of living in flying cities one day. Nice try assholes. If you live in an over crowded place you do one of two things. One is to build sky scrapers. The second. MOVE AWAY. Air Ships are just plain stupid because of GRAVITY. Its not like its a space ship and space station. where although you have gravity you aren't going to instantly plummit to your death as soon as you loose power.

In fact the only air ship that ever worked was a Zeppelin and guess what THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS
This is what happens when you try to teach your kids a lesson

Air Ships are inherently a bad idea. The Japs just come up with stupid shit. I think that the Hindenburg is a lesson to all of us. Airships explode and people die in massive explosions