Steve Jobs Can Suck My Balls

I hate Mac computers. There I said it. Its not because they are physically shitty, far from it. Macs are generally put together quite well. And they do have an excellent warranty system with Apple Care. What I fucking hate about Apple is the people who use them. They walk around with a smug aroma that can only be described as ten day old shit slathered in blue cheese, and soaked in camel urine for five of those days.

Mac users act as if they are right and have a culture just because they use a different OS as the rest of the 95% of computer users. Guess what fucktards your a bunch of morons who are to stupid to use Windows and that is why you have to have Steve Jobs simple assed OS. Mac users will go on an on about how it just works. What is IT and how the fuck does IT JUST WORK? The thing is they just regurgitate what ever the hell Steve Bill Gates' Bitch Jobs says. To bad I see right through the bull shit of Apples dream team of marketers.

Take iTunes. What the fuck? First its not Vista computable at Vista's launch because Apple somehow didn't have time to develop iTunes for the next generation of OS that 95% of all computer users will be using. Then every one of the iTunes 7 series will delete your library for no reason. The other day I wanted to listen to some Metal but I was surprised to find that iTunes decided that it would be fun to delete all my songs and play lists. Luckily I backed up my music but I still lost my play lists.

Then we move to the iPod. Now an iPod is actually a good MP3 Player except it is dependent on iTunes, unless of course you want load a version of Linux on the iPod and that opens up a new can of worms. But I digress. iPod nanos used to be fucking tight, with the nice slim design and the flash drive. But guess what? Apple decided that you need to watch movies on a half inch screen and redesigned the nano so that its squat and fat. The good news about the redesign is that can watch movies on your new nano, the bad news is that the screen is so small that you will go blind. Not only is it a shitty design but they also released the most homo erotic colors I have ever seen. They all look like the kind of colors you would put on an Easter egg. I'm betting that Steve Jobs was smoking some reefer while coming up with his oh so gay color scheme.

Now we move to the iPhone. Oh how I loathe that piece of hard ware. I love how apple goes around and claims it invented touch screens even though palm pilots have been using them for years, or the fact that the scale I use at work is touch screen and thats like 15 years old. I also love how I can watch videos on my phone because we don't have a problem with people driving and talking on phones as it is, lets add people driving while watching youtube videos... Did I mention Youtube Videos?

Back to the iPhone. Apple markets the fact that its your "iPod and phone" this also means that when you run your batteries down while listening to your milly vanilly you wont be able to call for the tow truck because your car broke down and you'll have to give truckers hand jobs just to get a lift back to civilization. Good one Apple. The iPhones stupid features get even better, not only do you get to have a touch screen that will get smudged up extremely quickly but you also have no tactile touch. Thus you wont be able to feel for the nonexistent keys while dialing. So you have to look down at your phone while texting or dialing a number while your driving. Looks like Steve Jobs likes putting me at risk from his moronic "fan" base.

This is not the second coming of Norris so knock it off asshats!

Lastly did you know 80% of all Volkswagen drivers also use Macs. Have you ever noticed how snobby VW drivers are? Thats because they are the same assholes who think that product loyalty somehow equates to intelligence. Product loyalty is stupid and it shows how much of a douche you are. Instead of showing people you have a brain and buy what ever gives you the most bang for your buck you just show us that your to stupid to shop around and just buy the same overpriced shit day in and day out. Back to the VW angle, Volkswagens founder was a dear friend of Adolf Hitler, thus when you use a mac your not only supporting Steve Jobs your supporting Hitler.

And for the record I wrote this on an iMac at school.

Gentlemen Behold The Powers Of Iron Maiden

Iron Maiden is without a doubt the reason why I am alive today. Now as you all know I had a major operation and nearly died. But I was given a large dose of Metal and I have made a very speedy recovery.

Since the dawn of time man has known of the medicinal powers of metal. That is why early warfare was fought to the beat of drums. The theory is that the army with the more brutal drums will have less sever wounds and deaths therefore the other army with less brutal metal will be defeated because of high levels of attrition .

Later on Knights would pay homage to metal by wearing heavy suits of armor. They would then kill large quantities of peasants. This was because Metal demanded sacrifices. Today these same sacrifices are made by Eagle Drivers who play Dragonforce when they bomb Hagi.

Don't Fuck With Red Coats!!!

Now I want to focus in on Iron Maiden, Britons Greatest contribution to the world after naval warfare, and world domination. Iron Maiden is arguably the loudest band in England (although this is in dispute as Spinal Tap also lays claim to the title). Anywho Iron Maidens music is uplifting, with topics like hell, war, and Killing.

Iron Maiden was once seen in a specific German city in 1945. Days later this city was burned to the ground. That city was Dresden. Iron Maiden has destroyed countless civilizations with its mighty brutality that is its metal. Yet when young people are in dispair the same power that has been known to level entire mountain ranges also has the power to heal. This is the great gift of Metal. Metal can destroy but it also creates. And that is why the use of Metal should always be used for world domination.

Thats the most bitchen poster I've ever seen (note that is a real life depiction)

Iron Maiden has shown me the light. So every day I try to do something that is Metal and would make Maiden proud, like boozing and using hookers.

I Hate People

So due to my surgery I am unable to get back to my normal job duties. As the Dr thinks I'm a candy ass and has ordered me on light duty until the first of the year. Whats worse is my boss' are honoring the Dr's wishes and keeping me on light duty. Now for a meat Department that means I'm not allowed to cut meat at all but instead of set up demo's for all the mouth breathers. Thus for the next week I get to cook and hand out peices of delicious animal flesh to those who don't deserve it.

Here is a list of shit that people tell me and my response to what they say.

• Do you work here? NO I don't work here I just fucking wear a name tag and an apron handing out food for shits and giggles you cuntface asshat.
• I know you don't work in the meat department but do you know where the Pepperoni is? Thats right I don't work in the Meat department even though I'm wearing a fucking baseball cap that has a gods damn cow on it and the hat says Hereford Beef, and I wear a black apron that is the same color as all the other meat guys, and I fucking have blood stains on my shirt. Or the fact that I'm handing out ham you fucking twat.
• Is this ham cooked? You must be a moron, do you know what uncooked ham is called? Its called Pork Roast you fucktard. All Ham is at least partially cooked, and besides why in the hell would I be handing out raw meat?
• Oh this meat is so salty. No its not to salty you old hag. Your just a pussy. Sodium Chloride happens to be an excellent preservative and don't try to tell me that my pork tenderloin is saltier than the salt pork you used to eat back 80 years ago. Idiot.
• This is so way to spicy You say that the Maple flavored breakfast sausage is spicy again wench and I will crush your skull. Spicy is when you and your friends chug Tabasco bottles and like it.

If you can't drink a gallon of tabasco than your not going to Valhalla

What I guess I'm trying to get at is don't open your fucking mouth to me. It is humiliating as it is that I am unable to do my manly job. But to make me even speak to you makes it so that I may break you in half with my massive cock. Another thing. If you want to be a pussy and not eat the tasty meat product that I give out. Don't give me a long winded explanation. I honestly don't give a shit. I get paid by an hourly wage. I do not get paid by commison therfore I do not care if you buy the food as I am not paid any extra if you buy it. That is all.