Peoples I hate

Delta 3 said I should write down things I hate as my handle is Cpthateful. Lets face it hate is the most pure emotion you can ever feel and is probably the only emotion Chuck Norris ever feels, as he invented hatred. Its true I hate a whole lot of things and I should let every one know the people whom I hate the most. This will be updated every so often so stay tuned for an up to date list of morons whom I think should be purged from the earth.

• Communists (Fucking reds held a gun to the head of the world for decades)
  
• Xenos (They are aliens and they want you all dead...Enough said)
  
• Scientologists (Every scientologist I have ever heard of likes dicks up their butts)
  
• Wiggers (They should all be sent to Iraq and used as targets for the terrorists)
  
• Electronic Arts (They have not made a good game in years.)
  
• People who text while at a movie
• Dan Rather (He has always been a hack and I'm so glad he lost his job)
  
• People who restate what the Professor just said and think its an original thought.
• EMO's (They think they are rebelling but they are just playing into MTV's evil plot)
• Shane (He should read the book of Genesis in the Bible...He should read the part about Kane and realize that even god hates him)
• Activists (You obviously have to much time on your hands)
  
• Twelve year olds (They ruined Xbox Live)
• People who can't park
• Old People who think regular flavored foods spicy
• Rosie O'Donnell (She makes me want to stick pins in my ears when I hear her fat bitchy voice)

Things I Will Do Before I Die

I decided to make a list of things that I will do before I die after having my head ripped off by the ghost of Charles Bronson.

Ultimate List of Things to do!

• Wrestle a dwarf.
• Grow a bitchen mullet.
• Join the greatest band known to man.
• Write a best selling Sci fi book series.
• Produce the most violent movie of all time.
• Create my own religion.
• Clone a dinosaur just so I can eat it.
• Meet my hero Maddox again.
• Give out a pimps love which is a lot different from that of a squares.
• Pwn up EA because EA can kiss my ass until it fixes BF2.
• End the use of the phrase "thats all I've got to say" by people who clearly are stupid and are going to say something else about the subject not ten seconds later.
• Eat manwich and or gravy with every meal.
• Be the first man to start a war with an Alien peoples.
• Be the first man to commit Xenocide against an Alien peoples.
• Have an Aircraft carrier named after me, because I was the greatest human ever.
  

Children of Men Review

Spoilers...If you don't want to know the plot then don't read, any further

LOLZ MY UNION JACK IS BLACK

Children of Men is a film that says hey asshole you need to appreciate your reproductive organs.

So the movie is about Clive Owen and Micheal Caine, and their quest t0 find the very best weed in the world, and to save humanity form extinction. I can not be held accountable for the accuracy of this review

In the year 2027 humanity has lost it ability to reproduce. Not one baby has been born since 2009. And the worlds youngest person has been stabbed to death because he was "a wanker". This makes a bunch of people cry because Baby Deago was a symbol or something, it doesnt matter because some one blows up a cafe. Clive Owen was like holy shit some asshat tried to blow a pimp up. (Specificly Clive Owen being the pimp)

Fuck Tha Police

So Clive goes to work and sees all these fat bitchy looking ladies crying over the death of Baby Deago. Clive being a BAMF decides to use his bosses sadness and pretends that he can't work because he is so upset over Deago.

He takes the day off to spend time with Micheal Caine. They decide to smoke lots of pot and listen to Metal because Clive Owen and Micheal Caine are two of the most manly Brits on earth. We find out that every other nation has crumbled because of the despair humanity has because of the sterility of every woman on earth.

When this man asks you to pull his finger you better do it

This is just a theory but I believe that either controlled demolition made all the women sterile or Chuck Norris decided to launch himself into space and thus his beard was unable to protect womens ovaries from ultra violet rays from the sun

So Great Britain is the only stable nation on earth and thus has decided to deal with all of the illegal immigrants by sending them to internment camps for no good reason. Clive Owen decides that he needs to get cash so he pretends to help these crazy terrorist freedom fighters lead by Julian Moore. Shes also Clive Owens ex wife. He gets them some papers that will allow people to travel across the island. Unfortunately she wont pay him his money until he escorts this girl to her destination.

Some flirting goes on and then Julian Moore gets shot. Then Clive Owen gets really pissed because he was about to get laid. So he kicks a guy off of a motor cycle. They then get pulled over by the cops and lets just say them cops got caps in there asses.

Clive finds out that the girl he was supposed to protect is pregnant. He's like Oh Shit is Chuck Norris back? They decided to escape because Clive Owen doesn't like Terrorists, and the Terrorist Julian Moore led were going to use the girl as a reason to overthrow the Queen.

So they escape, and meet up with Micheal Caine. Micheal Caine smokes more pot with Clive Owen as they decide to go into one of the internment camps because internment camps are cool. So Micheal Cain goes and sells a guard some pot so they can all get into the internment camp.

The terrorists find Micheal Caines pad. Clive and company escape while Micheal Caine holds them off. Micheal Cain is so stoned that he doesn't kill the terrorists but instead tells them to pull his finger. They shoot him. Micheal Caine gets back up and asks them to pull his finger again. They shoot him again. Micheal Caine gets up yet again and asks if they can pull his finger (Micheal Caine must have had alot of gas for him to not even notice the bullets in his chest) They shoot him for the last time. Micheal Caine lays down and takes a nap in his stoned and bloody state.

Clive Owen meets a stoned prison guard named Sid. Sid speaks in the third person which is awesome. They get into the internment camp and the girl has the baby. Now this is the first baby to be born in 18 years and needless to say its very unsettling to everybody who has come to the conclusion that humanity was screwed.

Did you pull Micheal Caines finger?

The terrorists show up and start fighting the Royal Army. Lots of inocents civilians die in the cross fire. Clive Owen a BAMF because he runs around bare foot while this shit is going down. He and the girl make it to a row boat and row to a buoy, where they will be picked up by nice people. Clive rows the girl and her baby all the way out and they watch as the RAF pounded the fuck out of the internment camp. Then the black girl freaks out because she sees about a thousand gallons of blood in the boat. Clive says "Thats right bitch I rowed all the way out here and I'm full of bullets." He then took a nap for doing such a good job of rowing.

The movie ends with the girl being picked up by the boat.

In conclusion I think this movie shows why you don't fuck with Britain in a post apocalyptic futrue and why smoking pot is cool when your name is Micheal Caine.

I give 37 kicks in the face to Children of Men. And I give Clive Owen 73 kicks to the face and Micheal Caine 6785 kicks to the face.

Awesome Movie Lines

Some movies have awesome lines. So awesome that you feel your face being kicked off by Chuck Norris. These movie lines make any real mans penis swell with pride because the amount of testosterone used when these words are uttered. These lines should be immortalized in a list...

• Maximus:My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next. (Gladiator)

• Door Gunner: Git some! Git some! Git some, yeah, yeah, yeah! Anyone that runs, is a VC. Anyone that stands still, is a well-disciplined VC! You guys oughta do a story about me sometime!
  Private Joker: Why should we do a story about you?
  Door Gunner: 'Cuz I'm so fuckin' good! I done got me 157 dead gooks killed. Plus 50 water buffalo too! Them's all confirmed!
  Private Joker: Any women or children?
  Door Gunner: Sometimes!
  Private Joker: How can you shoot women or children?
  Door Gunner: Easy! Ya just don't lead 'em so much! Ain't war hell (Full Metal Jacket)

• Kahn: Revenge is a dish best served cold {Old Klingon Proverb} (Star Trek II The Wraith of Kahn)

• Hattori Hanzo: I'm done doing what I swore an oath to God 28 years ago to never do again. I've created, "something that kills people." And in that purpose I was a success. I've done this, because philosophically I'm sympathetic to your aim. I can tell you with no ego, this is my finest sword. If on your journey, you should encounter God, God will be cut. (Kill Bill Vol 1)

• Pai Mei: The exquisite art of the samurai sword? Don't make me laugh! You're so-called exquisite art is only fit for Japanese fatheads! (Kill Bill Vol 2)
  

• Admiral William "Husker" Adama: Launch All Vipers (Battlestar Galactica)

• Colonel Saul Tigh: Which side are we on? We're on the side of the demons, Chief. We are evil men in the gardens of paradise, sent by the forces of death to spread devastation and destruction wherever we go. I'm surprised you didn't know that. (Battlestar Galactica Precipice)
  

• Harry Callahan: I know what you're thinking. "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk? (Dirty Harry)
  

• Admiral William "Husker" Adama: This is the Admiral. You've heard the news. You know the mission. You should also know that there is only one way that this mission ends, and that's with the successful rescue of our people off of New Caprica. Look around you. Take a good look at the men and women that stand next to you. Remember their faces, for one day you will tell your children and your grandchildren that you served with such men and women as the universe has never seen. And together you accomplished a feat that will be told and retold down through the ages, and find immortality as only the Gods once knew. I'm proud to serve with you. Good hunting.(Battlestar Galactica Exodus I)

• Elias: Fuck Pillow Pants! How can you not love pussy? (Clerks II)

• Conan: Crom, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. Why we fought, or why we died. All that matters is that two stood against many. That's what's important! Valor pleases you, Crom... so grant me one request. Grant me revenge! And if you do not listen, then to HELL with you!(Conan the Barbarian)