Epic Tales 7

Today is Turkey day and like many other holidays we have yet another entry from the book of Epic Tales which chronicles the beginnings of this seemingly harmless holiday. Some people want you to believe the bull shit about the Pilgrims and the Indians having a happy little feast living in harmony. They are telling you LIES. Look around you, how many Indians are around? Thats right hardly any. Thats because Thanksgiving is about a blood bath and not a happy pick nick like some want you to believe.

Millions of Birds are sacrificed each year to give Lord Norris Thanks.

Long ago in the land of New England lived a very happy man. He came to the new world with his family. They started up a happy little farm with all the fixings. A couple of cows for milk, some chickens for eggs, a horse to ride. He had a happy little family too. He had a beautiful wife, and daughter and a clever little son. One day the man (we'll call him Charles) went over to a neighbors house and helped raise a barn, because back in the pilgrim days thats all they ever did. Then when Charles came home he found his farm on fire, the cows and chickens harvested for their succulent meat, and his family dead.

Charles whom was a peaceful man had felt something that he had never felt before. This was a feeling that is ingrained in all of Norris' children. This feeling was BLOOD RAGE. Charles knew that some one was at fault and he didn't care who got in his way. This is revenge son. And the only way to make a man on an epic quest for revenge to feel better, is to kill any and all mother fuckers.

Charles went to the local constable and asked who killed his family. The constable told Charles that he was a loose cannon and that he wanted Charles to turn in his badge. Charles was a cunning man and knew from this conversation that the Constable was crooked. So that night he followed the Constable on his rounds. He followed the Constable right to a meeting with some Indians whom were paying the Constable off. They wanted to go and kill whom ever they wanted and would pay the Constable to not investigate.

Well Charles had enough of this shit. He whipped out his Browning Automatic Rifle and let lead fly. Charles killed every one of those mother fuckers with one clip. Now some people would be happy with the revenge that had been exacted, but Charles wasn't some people. Charles wasn't happy at all.

So Charles went on an epic blood bath across the continent of North America. Charles moved across the west like a wild fire. Local law enforcement officials would tell him that they didn't want any vigilantes and what not. Charles didn't care. He slaughtered every Indian he saw. Wounded Knee was named wounded knee after Charles was shot in the knee with an arrow. That was the only time Charles was ever wounded.

When Charles made it to the Pacific Lord Norris came to Charles and told him that his epic genocide was indeed epic and that it was time to use his powers of killing was needed against the Empire of Japan. But thats another tale.Legend has it that Charles sank the Mayflower with his hand cannon

We give Thanks today because we were able to colonize a continent that had virtually no inhabitants because of Charles Bronson's Rampage to the Pacific. We also give thanks for Chuck Norris who ended the Rampage that would have destroyed the world given enough time. And last of all we give Thanks to the Indians who made Charles Bronson so hard.

The Colon Chronicles pt1

Yesterday I had 18 inches of digestive tract removed. Currently I am hooked up to multiple tubes draining all kinds of goodness. When I was under the knife I had a vision of Crom under Mt Norris. He told me that getting all that intestine taken out is metal. He told me that my mission in life is to teach other people about pain. Because it has been decreed from the top of Mt Norris. Pain is weakness leaving the body.

I've been sitting around for the day and a few things occurred to me.

1.) I love Pizza and will eat that as the first solids I will choose to eat.
2.) I will have to have a meat pizza because Lord Norris will be pleased.
3.) I love back rubs given out by cute nurses.