Don't Breed 'Em If You Can't Feed 'Em

This is a very simple concept. Don't create children if you are unable to provide for them. Its not fucking rocket science. For those of you who might not know how to make a kid here is a very shortened explanation.

You see when a man sticks his one eyed monster in a womens special place, he will most likely shoot off millions of little warriors. The warriors must then journey up the canal of darkness. The tiny little warriors are blood thirsty and are constantly trying to kill each other on the epic trek. The wounded and dead warriors will be lost forever with no one to mourn their deaths. Once they come to the end of the canal of darkness they come to the "Death Egg". They then lay siege to the "Death Egg" until the strongest warrior is able to breach its defenses. Thus a child has been created in an epic journey marked with violence and death.

Kenny always dies because he is poor and his parents breed to much

You see creating a child is a very wonderful event of nature. Its nature at its most violent state. But the problem is that most people who fuck have no idea what is involved in raising a kid. Ive made a list of only some of the things that will have to happen once you create a child.

• Buy diapers, baby formula, baby food, baby oil and lotion ect...
• Watching TV shows like Dora the explora and Boohbah.
• You will have to simplify your diet as kids hate everything thats not chicken nugget or a hot dog.
• Spend money on trips to places that your kid wont even remember.
• Drive a mini van.
• Listen to music that is kids friendly.
• Not be able to hang out with your friends because you have to take care of your brat kid that you created while your friends are happy and care free because they listened to the Sex Ed teacher and went out and bought a box to Trojans.

The sad fact of the matter is that I can spend my money on what ever the fuck I want and the people who make kids have to spend money on the child. While I'm buying the latest Computer hardware and video games these dip shits are buying shit like diapers and baby cloths. Do the even know how fast kids grow. They need new cloths all the fucking time.

This is what you get to watch for the next five years if your lucky.

What really irks me is that I'm going to be the one paying for these little monsters. I'm going to pay for the food stamps that these young parents are going to have to go on. I'm going to pay for the new schools that have to be built for the kids. I'm going to have to pay for the road repairs that is caused by the increased wear and tear that is put on my roads because the kids will learn to drive and then drive every where. And then I get to pay for 50% of the kids first year of College before they drop out and have kids of their own.

My kids will be in Jr High and High school when the children of my peers are having kids of their own because the dumb assed parents of these asshats never told them that raising kids is not a good idea. I mean the Earth is only supposed to support 9 Billion people. We're 2/3 of the way to that number and I for one would like it if we do not starve to death because of unchecked breeding.

Here is a simple policy for all you young lads out in the world. Treat every girl as if she is lying to you about the pill. That means you need to put on the big boy pants and slap on a condom. And for you ladies. Pretend that every boy is an asshole who will run away at the thought of the responsibility of having a kid and thus leaving you alone in the world with an infant. Thus get on the pill and make sure that he is wearing a latex sheath when he sticks his dick in your vagina.

One last image for you young horny lads and lasses. Look at that person you are about to fuck. Now think really hard for me. Are you prepared to spend the rest of your life in close contact with this person? Because if your not than you better practice safe sex because a kid implies that you will spend at the bare minimum 20 years with this person sharing the responsibility of raising the kid. (Notice that I did not use the word marriage because I never meant it. I mean that you will be stuck fighting over custody, love, and money of the kid for those years.)

A special note about marriage. The entire point of marriage is that you have supposed to have found a person that you want to spend the rest of your life with thus also spawn new yous with. Marriage means monetary support for the children in the subsequent newly wed sex. The system was put into place for a reason and it should be used. Don't make kids until you are married because even if the marriage fails at least the kids wont be bastards and there are more legal supports for the spouse that ends up with the custody.

My solution to this of course is that you will not be allowed to breed unless you reach certain intelligence requirements and financial requirements. Such as being able to afford the basic costs of a child without the need of government money. I would of course exclude the cost of education as I am not evil and public schools is one of the greatest ways to create hardened brainwashed soldiers. For those of you who think I'm crazy then you obviously haven't seen Idiocracy and seen what happens when stupid people breed out of control.

In conclusion I will be the one that is footed the bill for YOUR night of fun. Don't be a dick and help the world out by making sure YOU don't piss the rest of us off with your wild brats in our stores and eateries.

Crom I have never prayed to you before.

Some people find Jesus after living wicked lives filled with crack, breeding hundreds of crack children, and feeding off of John and Jane Doe American taxpayer. I haven't found Jesus. Instead I found Crom.

I realized that Crom is my deity when I updated my enemies list and it came down to it that everyone of my enemies are doing far worse than me in life. I thought that my prayers to god that all of my enemies would either die or destroy their lives was being answered by Jehovah but then it occurred to me that Jehovah never answers prayers especially of this nature. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, Crom!

Crom is a great god. He is only pleased when he sees valor and victory. Crom unlike other gods doesn't listen to your prayers about getting that next raise or getting laid. NO! Crom is angered by those kind of prayers. He will come out of his mountain and beat you to an inch of your life.

Crom lives high up in his mountain where he is able to bring doom upon his enemies. Crom sits at Valhalla and when I arrive he will ask me the riddle of steel. If I answer it wrong than he will laugh at me and cast me out of Valhalla. That is why anyone who wants to enter Valhalla must learn how to pwn like the Spartans.

Another reason to convert to Crom is the deal with the after life. If you worship Crom and live your life as a warrior then you will be ready to enter Valhalla where you may battle for all eternity. If you stay with Jehovah's you will probably go to Hell or Purgatory. Because lets face it only the goodliest of goodies get in to heaven like the Mormons. But Crom doesn't care if you were good or bad. He only cares that you killed with valor.

So thats why I worship Crom. Your welcome to pray to Crom, but pray at your own risk because he will hurt you bad if you don't please him
Conan prayed to Crom and now he is an Intergalactic Pimp

300 Super Sized Review

300 is the greatest movie ever. This film has changed my life for ever. Before I saw this movie I was just a candyass but now that I saw how the Spartans pwned, I have decided that it is my life goal to become a Spartan. Oh and before I forget if you havent read the graphic novel by Frank Miller then you are a pussy and should do so pronto.

300 is about the mother fucking battle 0f Thermopylae. It was a battle where Sparta cockslaped the Persian army. Iran is bitching about how the Persians got pimp slapped but maybe they should read history and realize that Iran will always be a vagina in the eyes of the western world.

I'll give you a synopsis of the Spartans. Sparta was a Greek city state that loved to kill. While Athens was developing democracy Sparta was always preparing for war. They took young boys from home and trained them to be the greatest fighters the world had ever seen. The rights of passage for a Spartan boy was to kill a slave with his bare hands. Thats right to be a man a Spartan had to kill some one. Even Spartan women were hard core as they were trained in hand to hand combat and rudimentary use of the phalanx.
"Armor is for Athenian Pussies"

It was rumored that the first Spartan was Herakles himself. (thats the original spelling before it was bastardized by ass holes) Spartan law dictated that a Spartan could never retreat and to never surrender. Spartans were the most bad assed people the world will ever see.

On the other side were the Persians. They sucked balls. Persia was the largest land empire at the time. The elite warrior the Persians had were the Immortals. Not because they could live forever. Quiet the opposite. You see Immortals got there names because they died in such numbers that when a nation beat them they would immortalize the Persian turkey shoot.

So 300 starts off with the tale of how Leonidas King of Sparta cock slapped a wolf to death when he was only ten. Then it brings us to the present where we see Sparta. Its probably the most beautiful place in the whole ancient world and everyone is always happy because they pwn so much. Then a Persian comes riding into town like hes some fucking bad ass or something. He drops the skulls of a bunch of kings who didn't submit to Persia, on Leonidas's door step. Leonidas doing what any good father would do is training his son in the art of killing. Leonidas talks to the Persian who is asking for land and water. Then the Persian makes a snide ass remark about the queen. She tells him that she is more man then he because Spartan women give birth to warriors. This was fucking BAMF. So Leonidas thinks it through and realizes that Athens turned down Persia peace offer and if a bunch of boy lovers like the Athenians had that kind of balls then he couldn't submit to Persia. So Leonidas gives the Persian messenger plenty of land and water at the bottom of a well that he kicks the dude into.

Leonidas then goes to the Oracle to find out if he can bring the Spartan army to war. But the priests that control the Oracle are fucking traitors and they tell Leonidas that the Spartan army cant go to war until after the summer festival. And that if Sparta was to go to war a king must die. Leonidas is like FUCK THIS. But he also never breaks the law and what ever the Oracle says is law. So Leonidas gets his 300 closest friends together and decides to go for a walk. Before Leonidas leaves the Queen tells him "Spartan come back with your shield, or on it" This means that she expects him to kill every mother fucking Persian or to die trying

While on the March to Thermopolye where Leonidas hopes to stop the Persian advance because it is very narrow and the millions of persians wont be able to fight at once but more a hundred at a time instead. Leonidas meets up with some other Greeks from other city states. They start bitching because they only see 300 Spartans but Leonidas points out that he brought the finest warriors on earth while the other Greeks brought a bunch of militiamen. When the Spartans get to Thermopolye it starts to storm. (Thermopolye is next to the Aegean Sea) The storm is smashing up the Persian fleet on a whole bunch of rocks. Its because Poseidon doesn't like fucking Persians. Every one is celebrating except Leonidas. Leonidas is pissed because the men on the ships that were being killed were men he couldn't kill.

The next day The Spartans build a wall so that the can funnel the Persain advance. They build the wall out of rocks and Persian scouts. A Persian emissary comes out and starts yelling at the Spartans but the Spartans ignoring him because he was an obvious homo. So he tries to whip one of the Spartans. The Spartan Jumps through the air and cuts off the Persians arm before the whip ever lands. The Persian starts to cry and threatens the Spartans. He says "Our arrows will blot out the sky" and the Sparta returned "then we will fight in the shade." Leonidas meets up with this deformed dude who wants to kill too. But Leonidas tells him that he cant fight because he would compromise the phalanx and that he should be running support. Well the deformed fellow has a temper tantrum and runs off.

The Persian army which consists of over a million men decides to go on the march. Unfortunately for them the 300 Spartans have just formed their phalanx in the Hot Gates the most narrow part of the pass. So a whole shit load of Persians charge at the Spartans and Leonidas being a total BAMF says to his men "THIS IS WHERE WE FIGHT, THIS IS WHERE THEY DIE" Which was literally true. The Persians in the first wave were all killed.

The Spartans kill Persians all day long without taking any casualties themselves. The other Greek troops are pissed because they watched the Spartans kill over 9000 Persians in an hour and they haven't killed yet. So Xerxes the King of Persia and a major homo decides to try and buy Leonidas off. So he comes up to Leonidas and tells him that if he kneels he will be war lord to all of Greece. Leonidas says that thats a really nice offer but that he couldn't kneel because he had received a kink in his leg due to all the killing he had been doing and that he should just walk it off. Leonidas did this just to piss off Xerxes.

Xerxes sends in the Immortals when night fell. That was okay because during the evening the Spartans were really bored and built a mountain of bodies. All they had to do was push the mountain over and it crushed at leas one hundred Immortals. Then Leonidas had the other Greeks chop up the Immortals because they were such losers.

So that night the Spartans partied because the killing had been so good. But the next day the Persians were at it again. They tried to throw hand grenades at the Spartans but this just pissed the Spartans off so the Spartans blew all the grenadiers up. Then the Persians tried to use elephants and rhinos on the Spartans but the Spartans laughed as the elephants slipped into the sea because they tripped on all the blood. In one really awesome scene two Spartans break rank and just go rampaging. It was awesome. The only sad part was that shortly after one of those Spartans got his head chopped off. This pissed off that particular Spartans father. The father killed even more Persains and had to be dragged back to the phalanx by none other than Leonidas himself.

Meanwhile in Sparta the Queen is trying to raise the army but traitorous politicians are having a stop to it until she decides to stab the cock sucker and all of his money with Xerxes penis on it fell out of his pocket. Sparta decided it was time to go to war because Spartan women are good at killing traitors.

So the night of the second day of battle the Spartans are all really tiered so they don't party. But the deformed dude who was pissed because he wasn't allowed to kill went to the Persian side and told Xerxes about a goat path that would allow the Persians to flank the Greeks. The Greek scouts realize that they are about to be boned. So Leonidas wakes up his Spartans and tells them to oil up and work out. He then gets Dilios the only Spartan who is really really good at telling stories. He tells Dilios that he must return to Sparta and tell them what had happened. Leonidas tells the other Greeks to fall back that his 300 Spartans will cover the retreat. He then tells his men about a lovely restaurant that they will dine in at the end of the day. If my my memory severs me right the quote goes like this "SPARTANS READY YOUR BREAKFAST AND EAT HEARTY, FOR TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL"

So the Spartans form up into a turtle shell formation and wait for the Persians. Xerxes comes up real close to the front to because he wants to gloat. The deformed fellow pleads for Leonidas to surrender. Leonidas tells the deformed fellow that he wished that the deformed guy would live forever because thats the biggest dis a warrior can ever give. So Leonidas takes off his helmet throws down his shield and kneels. Xerxes thinks hes won but thats only because Leonidas turned his own body into a launching platform for one of the other Spartans to jump out of the formation and launch himself at one of the Persian generals. The Spartans break formation and start killing. Unfortunately many of them are getting killed. Leonidas picks up a spear and throws it at Xerxes but only hits Xerxes' cheek. Leonidas then takes a hellofalot of arrows. He looks around and sees him men are dead or dieing. Hes sad but he knows that they died warrior deaths. The Persians then shoot enough arrows at Leonidas that they literally block out the sun. Leonidas dies like a real man. Some say he only took a nap and I wish I could believe that but unfortunately he had to have died because he would have broken Spartan l
aw if he survived the battle without killing all of the Persians.

The end of the Film is with Dilios telling the story of the 300 Spartans to a camp full of Spartans. Dilios then forms his men up and we realize that he has the entire Spartan army with him. They then go and kill the Persians.

Let Me see your war face AHHHHHH

Technology is not a fad

I keep on running into people who think the use of computers is just a fad that will run its course and be over with within the decade. They get these smug smiles and ask me what I'm going to do when technology fails. For one short of World War 3 or a world wide zombie outbreak I'm extremely sure that we will be using computers. And for another I have one of the oldest professions in the world. I am not worried about not having a job in a post apocalyptic world because my trained skills are older than human civilization. (I'm a butcher by trade) And third I would probably get on with my life if technology fails.

These people rate up with Mac snobs in how they think there shit some how smells better than the rest of ours. Guess what asshole just because you don't own a computer does not mean your superior to me. If anything I can do my taxes quicker, shop faster, get my news as it happens, and I don't have to go to the public library whenever I want to do research. Who's shit smells better now shit face?

These anti technology snobs are so out of it that they think that the only people who know how to run the damned things are actually making a living doing it. Here is a little news flash assholes computers are used by millions and millions of people for recreational purposes only. These asshats don't grasp that we have entered a new era. Much like the printing press or the cotton gin, the Internet has changed human society forever.

Society is already starting to fracture as people are finding other people with common interests and beliefs from all over the world. This article explains how society is changing much better than I can.

I run into people who look at me as if I'm from another planet when I tell them that I'm going to reformat a hard drive. To look at me as if I were a fucking xeno is just uncalled for because I loathe xenos, and second these are the same people who call me up a few weeks later when they break the computer that they have for "typing papers and getting emails".

And its just insulting when they ask me advice when they do break down to buy a PC and then tell me that what I suggested is to expensive. Too bad. If you spent less than a thousand dollars on your computer then you have a shitty computer. Period. When I give people advice I don't want them to be stuck with shitty stuff so of course its going to cost more than a Dell. I look at computers like meat. Sure the ribeye might be more expensive than the bottom round but its infinitely better.

We live in the information age now. Lets act like it. If your not with the program then your going to be left behind like the Dinosaurs or like Shane when the Retard Racer forgot to stop at his house.

Chainsaws pwn U

A duel weilding clown is P.I.M.P

I was playing my three favorite games on the 360 and I realized that they all have something in common. They all have chainsaws. It got me thinking and I realized that the chainsaw is the apex of mans weapons making technology.

Since the dawn of time man has tried to find ways to kill each other. If we look at all of the ancient weapons we see them being duel purposed. The spear was also used for hunting, the knife was used to cut food, the ax was used to chop little rodents into pieces. Only the sword was used as a tool to kill people all the time. But early man was not pleased with the sword because it did not cause the kind of carnage that the ax could

It wasn't until a man by the name of Bob Chainsaw invented the first chainsaw did melee weapons technology change in over 9000 years. Chainsaw declared his new weapon to be the single most dangerous thing on earth. He once said "This is the way the world ends...Not with a bang but with a buzz"

The chainsaw is the perfect melding of sword and ax. It cuts through Kevlar like butter, and will do short work to any xeno who wants to sneak up on you. The chainsaw has a much more terrifying effect upon troops in trench warfare than a bayonet could ever have. I had never thought about the effects of a chainsaw mounted on a rifle until I saw it in action by Sergeant Marcus Fenix in the great Locust War. I am now a believer that the chainsaw is an effective infantry weapon and should be issued to all ground troops.

Of course Space Marines have been wielding the chainsaw since forever. Space Marines have been battling xenos for millennia and it only makes sense that they would use such a fine weapon.

Ash hero of the Evil Dead series swears by his chainsaw. What weapon did Ash first get when Satan unleashed his many fold minions upon this plain of existance? Yes the shot gun...But the second weapon that wrought death was of corse the mighty chainsaw. He cut through hundreds of undead minions, and legions of deamons. Why because Ash is a BAMF and he just liked killing so much.

Yes that man removed his hand just so he could have a chainsaw hand

Here's to you owe mighty weapon of weapons, your teeth cut through bone as if it was a Jello mold. Ever making my gaming experience so much more fun.