Video of Pwnage

As some of you know I loathe Creed, and I fucking can't stand Pearl Jam. Well I found this video and it gave me the lulz because both bands got to suffer.

What Men Talk About

A recent study has confirmed that men and women actually say about the same number of words in any given day. This was big news as women have always insisted that they are better speakers than men and it is because of all the practice they get. Alas this final lie has also been crushed by the truth that men are able to practice as much as women and we all know that men are good at anything they set their minds to, except for Peace, because all real men will try to sabotage peace at every corner.

What interests me more about this study is what men say. It's always been an enigma. Since Chuck Norris uttered the first sound, people have wanted to know what men say. I decided to solve this riddle myself. I decided to record everything I said for an entire day. Then I meticulously counted every word I uttered. The results of my labors may be startling.

I have made a list of the top words or phrases spoken over that fateful day.

WORDS UTTERED.
~Curb Stomp~36 times
~Fuck Yeah~ 16 times
~Night Stalkers~10 times
~Car~ 28 times
~Ass~57 times
~Shit Box~ 289 times
~PC~14 times
~Metal~133 times
~Shitter~42 times
~Filthy Ole Cock~289 times
~Killing~ 73 times
~Delta Force~ 29 times
~Chuck Norris~364 times
~My Cock~791 times
~My One Eyed Snake~213 times
~My Penis~ 54 times
~My Fire Hose~ 97 times
~Caturday~ 46 times
~Fire~63 times
~Concrete~95 times
~Thermal Dynamics~ 35 times
~Building~ 82 times
~Erecting~39 times
~Manufactured~18 times
~Cock Slapped~1003 times

Men discuss why they decided to dig a hole in the ground just so they can fill it with concrete.(the manliest substance in existence besides of course Chuck Norris' own blood)

As you can see we can categorize what men say into three catagories. The first being Creation. The second being Destruction. And the last being the male reproductive organ. Their you can have it folks, another one of life's mysteries has been solved. Thanks to a portable voice recorder and the sheer determination of one brave man (myself).

E3 07 4 7h3 W1N

So E3 has just started and I'm going to give you guys a few of my personal favorite games this time around. Sure we don't have as much hype this year because E3 is closed to the public but I'm sure we can stir up our own hype.

Assasins Creed
This is the game where you get to Assasinate Creed. Now not many people know this but I hate Creed. They can suck my balls long and hard. I was immidiately surprised and happy to hear that they made a game where you can hunt down each band member and kill them in new and interesting ways. We've already seen footage of game play where you track down Creeds lead singer in what looks to me like Iraq. I just hope that there can be down loadable content, like new bands to kill like Pearl Jam, and Rage Against The Machine.


Halo 3

Now I have mixed feelings about Halo. You see I love killing Xenos, and I love Halo's single player mode. But you see Halo, specificly Halo 2 is virtually unplayable online because of all of the 15 year old kids and the jocks. But as I have come to understand Halo 3 isnt just all about the online game play. Its all about the Killing. I do believe that it will have online coop which is going to pwn hard, and I hear that Master Chief prays to Crom and Chuck Norris appears to help him destroy the Covenant.

Master Chief says FUCK TEH BRUTES

Bioshock
Shit a game where you go to an underwater utopian paradise that has gone horribly wrong? FUCK YEAH. Bioshock lets you shock said bio life forms, and I love the fact that there are large amounts of water in the game. So I could throw a toaster into a room full of mutants and most likely kill them all because the room will also be filled with water. COOL

Age of Conan
Enough has already been said about this game.

Call of Duty 4

So I guess the developers were sitting around and thinking what would make WWII more exciting. And they decided to add helicopters and modern weapons. So now I don't have to rely on the good old fashioned BAR to mow down wave after wave of Hun. No I can just pull out my SAW and cut threw them like butter. Oh we're landing at Normandy again? Fuck the para drop, I'm taking my Black Hawk. I'm excited to play Normandy one more time as long as I can bring my SAW. Although its not very fair to the Krauts, as lets face it the war was originally stacked against them the first time around. Now its like a baby vs a rhino.

The SAS know to hunt down Shane and his Kraut friends

Battlestar Galactica
I get to fly around and blow up fucking toasters in a Viper, and make sure that I get all my people back. As long as I don't have to listen to Starbucks and Apollos EMO rants then this game is going to PWN.

Mass Effect
Is about doing one thing...Killing Xenos. Its made by the same pimps who brought us Knights of the Old Republic. But this time we are a young human Empire. And the fucking Xenos are being dicks about it. So the Immortal God Emperor decides to teach the Xenos what its like to be beaten into submission. Hence the name Mass Effect. Mass being the Immortal God Emperors foot. And Effect being what happens to a Xenos head after the already mentioned foot connects in an epic round house kick.

Grand Theft Auto IV.

If you take a look at an average day of Delta Leader and I then you will get GTA4. It was really cool having Rockstar follow us around recording our pimptastic life styles. They even had us motion render the curb stomps and pimp slaps. You see a pimps beating is different from that of a squares.

He has the look of a true pimp

Thats just a taste of what is to come for our Xboxs and PCs.

Fat Chicks

So I had an encounter with a fat girl, needless to say it did not end well for Delta 2. After that I had spent time thinking about how fat girls act in a social environment.

Lets set up a situation for you. You the guy who wants to go out with cute girl. We'll call her Girl A. Now you have been friends with Girl A for many years, you want to get into a relationship with Girl A but never grew the balls because you never read my page about being a BAMF and women love BAMFs. Any who your position in Girl As circle of friends is important because you are horny guy friend who is "just a friend." This means that in the circle of friends you actually out rank any of Girl As boyfriends because they trust you but unfortunately for you, you don't get all the benefits of the boy friend. Anyway you one day go to hang out with Girl A, but something is amiss, Girl A has some one new hanging around. She is as corpulent as Jabba The Hutt. And as annoying as a clown. We'll call her Girl B. You find out that Girl B has been friends with Girl A for only a few short weeks. As soon as you enter the picture you will be under her scrutinizing gaze. She'll watch ever move you make, criticize you for ever foul comment you utter. She will go and tell Girl A that you are a jerk and that she should never see you again. This of course is after you have shown Girl A immense amounts of kindness (the same caliber of kindness that you get when Chuck Norris lets you live yet another day) And after you just bought everyone Taco's for supper.

Why would a complete stranger give you the cockblock like that? A cockblock with a person that you knrow far bette than they do? It's because Girl B is a fat chick. And fat chicks are notoriously bad at making decisions.

(Now this is where I'm going to make my disclaimer and say not all fat chicks are pricks. I know several ones that are actually very nice but for the sake of my rant we are going to imagine the fat girls as the ones who are annoying and only purpose they seem to have is to piss you off when your with there cute friends.)


You see fat girls have always been bad at making decisions, thats why they are fat, not just a little meaty which tell you the truth didn't hurt anyone. They can't actually go and make the choice not to eat that bucket of triple chocolate ice cream because they have a poor self image of themselves. They choose to be loud and distracting during social events, mainly because
they want to be at the center of everyones attention. This of course is a direct contradiction of the BAMF in training that you are thus you want to be the center of attention to show off to everyone how much closer you are to the Immortal God Emperor than they are.

Heads will clash. The fat girl wigill try to r your chances with all of the Girl As in the room. They do this for two reasons. One they don't like you and in the end they never want to see some one so Bad Assed as yourself be happy. Two being that they secretly hate Girl A. Mind you some Girl As, are bitches, some are not. It doesn't matter if Girl A has done anything directly to Girl B. What matters is that Girl A will always be more desirable than Girl B, and thus Girl B will give bad advice to Girl A on purpose.

Fat chicks will tell there attractive friends to go out with the Jocks who own big trucks. Now I don't want to stereotype those guys to much but... Those guys generally hit the peak of there lives at 17 when they are high school foot ball stars, mind you they get pussy even if they have a team which goes five seasons without winning a single game. (happened at my high school) These guys might go into college, might. If they do they go into business. Because we know it takes a lot of brains to pass macro economics after the third try. Mind you these guys miss the entire point of college which is to learn, by drinking every night. They drop out of college, marry the pretty girl, grow fat, beat said pretty girl, die at the age of 55. Now if those fat friends actually cared for the good looking friends they would hook the good looking girls up with the guys who have the highest rate of success, BAMFs. People who know how to get shit done because they are always in control. Even when they don't actually know how to get something done right they'll probably just use high explosives and get the job done through brute force.

What irks me about fat girls is how they will enter a complicated social situation and try to bring it all down. They have no appreciation that some people might actually have running jokes, or that acting like a jerk is just what some people do to every stranger they meet as its a way to assert dominance, that is less lethal than head butting. They just jump in and want to be the one that decides who gets to hang out with who. They kind of do what I do but you see I choose who gets to live and who gets to die.

Fat chicks hate the thought of other people being happy so they try to sabotage everyones happiness. They figure that misery loves company.