80s Action Week: Die Hard

Because Live Free Or Die Hard came out this week I will be finishing our royal rumble through the 80s with Die Hard. Considered to be the greatest of the already excellent Die Hard series, Die Hard shows us how you can actually make an 80s action movie with little camp and still loads and loads of fun.

Gipper Approved?
If Reagan were alive today, he would still have the hard on that Bruce Willis gave him in 1988. Officer McClane likes to fight crime with his own set of rules, and anyone else will just get in his way, anyone like those liberal pansies in congress, who make it so high expl0sives aren't put in the hands of every security guard in the country.

One Liners:
(This one defined a generation)
McClane-Yippee-Ki-Yay Mother Fucker
McClane-Geronimo, Motherfucker!
McClane-You should have heard your brother squeal when I broke his fucking neck.

Post Mortem One Liners:
Note-Now I have a machine gun. Ho Ho Ho

Gratuitous Acts Of Violence?
John McClane practically killed killed every terrorist in that entire movie. He shot and beat most of his kills. We also get several massive explosions destroying an APC and a Helicopter. My favorite kills were when he wrapped a chain around Karl's throat and hanging Karl. And the other time was when McClane shot a terrorists kneecaps out and the terrorist fell into a window splitting his head open with the fall. Of course we have a corpse kill because this is the 80s. Karl comes back to life for no reason what so ever and appears with a rifle, he is about to shoot McClane but is shot in the head by Carl Winslow from the show Family Matters. I really don't know how Karl came back from the dead but it was pretty cool watching him die in slow motion.

McClane says FUCK TEH POLICE because he plays by his own set of rules

Sexual Content?

No sex for Officer McClane. But it is implied rather heavily that he will get much sex after killing so many bad guys. We see 4 sets of tits which is relatively weak when you think that the setting is a Christmas party at an office building in the 80s. We don't get to see any man ass as I guess they decided to keep the gay at the bare minimum. Women however were brutalized as a pregnant woman was kept in an uncomfortable position for several hours. And then McClanes bitch wife was held as a hostage and almost thrown out a window.

Thats what happened after McClane walked down the street with a massive erection...There were no survivors

No One Not Even You Will Remember if We Were Good Men Or Bad?
Hell Die Hard is the example in which all good action movies should follow. You have Bruce Willis who could kick the shit out of Bin Laden if he was ever walking around in Afghanistan. The bad guys were acted with the slightest of camp factor but only the slightest. The action was well paced and done well. You could tell that this movie had a good budget and it was worth every penny.

Misc?
Was there a nuclear blast? No
Was some one kicked in the face? No
Did a building explode? Oh yes thats the premise of the evil terrorist attack.
Did somthing explode for no reason? Nope everything exploded because the terrorists liked explosives.

Die Hard is the shit. 5809 kicks to the face...enough said

80s Action Week: Invasion USA

Today is Thursday and for the 80s Action Week we are going to party on Thursday with the Immortal God Emperor himself Chuck Norris. We are looking at Invasion USA which explains why the US has never been invaded since Those Mexicans and French invaded years back.

Gipper Approved?
Absofuckinglutly. Where to start? Is it the vigilanty attitude of Chuck Norris? Or maybe its the declaration of martial law? Or could it be that the bad guys are just plain old communists? Theres something for every American to love in this movie.

One Liners:
Chuck Norris-If you live through this, tell Rostov It's time to die.
Chuck Norris-Nikko was easy. Now it's your turn. One night you'll close your eyes, and when they open I'll be there. It'll be time to die.
Chuck Norris-See you in hell...Send Me a Post Card

Chuck Norris-You're beginning to irritate me

Post Mortem One Liners:
Technically we have no post mortems in this movie but since your a dead man once Chuck Norris looks at you I think these apply.
Chuck Norris- Did you lose this?(explosion)
Chuck Norris0- It's Time

Pardon Me, But Do You Have Grey Poupon? With C4?

Gratuitous Acts Of Violence?
Well this movie is off the charts. We have a suberban neighborhood blown up with a rocket launcher, countless cars blown to bits, a Fair full of orphans blown up (we see the aftermath), a battle with the US Army, Really its just nonstop action. We have 146 on screen deaths in this movie but an honorable mention should be given out that these are only the onscreen deaths and really tens of thousands of people are killed during the events of this movie. Chuck Norris seems to favor blowing terrorists up to all other manners of killing. The head Villan even has nightmares about Chuck Norris. I guess I would say the most unique deaths were those when random guys would be killed by getting there nuts blown off...Did I mention that a whole boat full of Cuban immigrants was gunned down. That was pretty fucking cool because it happens in the first five minutes.

Sexual Content?
Chuck Norris goes about his movies with a FUCK WOMEN attitude, and it shows. He doesn't get close to any woman because he knows that in the end they will all die. Which leads us to our next subject. Brutality towards women. One of my favorite scenes in the entire movie is when this bitch is snorting cocaine, and the bad guy was like fuck you to the woman. So he smashes her head into the table while she has the straw stuck up her nose. It gets lodged and she screams alot, the bad guy then shoots her drug dealer boyfriend in the nuts and then turns around and throws her stupid ass out of a window. Needless to say that was my favorite death of all the movie, and I had to wait this entire time to tell you about it. We don't get any man asses, and we have a respectable 6 womens lovelies.

No One Not Even You Will Remember If We Were Good Men Or Bad?
This movie was bad. Its only saving grace is the extreamly high amount of camp. The camp factor for this movie would be over nine thousand if I was to make a guess. The only reason people still watch this drawn out episode of Walker (thats right I said it, Invasion USA is just along high budget episode of Walker)

Misc
Was there a nuclear blast? No
Was someone kicked in the face? Oh yes multiple times.
Did a building explode? Hell yeah, to many to count.
Did something explode for no reason? Again Yes, every other object explodes in this movie.

Invasion USA may be camp but it does have our Emperor Chuck Norris and for that I give Invasion USA over nine thousand kicks to the face.

80s Action Week: Conan the Destroyer

Oh shit I can't believe we have even more Conan action in our trip through 80s bliss. Conan the Destroyer the official sequel to Conan the Barbarian is a look into how something so inherently awesome can go wrong.

Gipper Approved?
None.

One Liners:
Conan-Crom
Conan-Get back to ze Crypt (just like how Schwarzenegger said get back to ze chopper in Predator)

Post Mortem One Liners:
(Pre Mortem One Liner) Enough Talk (Conan throws a dagger into a guys chest)

Gratuitous Acts Of Violence?
We only get 66 kills compared to Conan the Barbarians 83. I was somewhat disappointed because even though we had more people decapitated and stabbed we got very few unique deaths. The most unique one I can think of is the Queen getting impaled on a Demons horn. The high point in the killing was when the already mentioned Demon is killed by having its horn ripped out Conan then stabs its dyeing body, and then his gay side kick stabs it with a knife making this the only corps kill of this entire movie. An honorable mention goes to the wizard who gets Conan's sword thrown into his chest.

Animal Brutality?
Again Conan the Destroyer sucked compared to Conan the Barbarian. No animals are killed and only one horse and the camel from the first film are punched in the face.

Sexual Content?
No sex in this movie...I was bummed out. Although we do get to see Grace Jones' ass so its almost a man ass, we also don't get any titties as if they decided that sexual content wasn't cool in 1984. Princess Jehnna described as a "woman child" which is funny because she was 15 at the time of the film. Anywho Princess Jehnna is placed in the care of Wilt Champerlain the same man who had sex with 20,000 women. He must make sure that Conan does not have sex with her which again seems very funny. The Princess though takes a liking to Conan and is trying to get him to fuck her throughout the entire movie. She even goes as far as attempt to make him king of her kingdom. Of course Conan turns her down because she is jail bait.

whats 30 divided by 2? 15

No One Not Even You Will Remember If We Were Good Men Or Bad?
Oh this movie sucked compared to Conan the Barbarian. I don't know what it was, maybe they gave Conan to much dialog, maybe it was the shitty editing (We have a scene where we see everyone on there horses in the woods including Mako, But the problem is Mako hasent been rescued by Conan yet because he is on a spit and is about to be roasted in the very next scene.)
They also got rid of Conan's cool side kick from the previous movie. Instead we get a 90 pound weakling who bitches all the time. I have no idea why Conan didn't kill the little cock sucker and be done with him.

Crom laughs at you and your head dress, and your fancy wine

Misc
Was there a nuclear blast? No
Was some one kicked in the face? No
Did a building explode? No
Did something explode for no reason? No

Conan the Destroyer might actually be good but just remember that if you watch this movie right after you watched Conan the Barbarian you will be very disappointed.

80s Action Week: Conan the Barbarian

Yes it's the epic master piece about Conan and his quest to learn the secret of steel, revenge and pussy. I have a secret, he gets all three. It's Hump day in our 80s action ho down and Schwarzenegger giving us a double feature, as I will also review Conan the Destroyer.

Gipper Approved?
Not really. Conan takes place in a world of high adventure and not much politicking can be said. I guess the most Republican of a message we can pull from Conan is that a man has to forge his own kingdom by his own hands and sword.

One Liners:
Conan-Crom
Conan-Crom laughs at your four winds
Valeria-Do you want to live forever?
Conan-To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of there women.
Pretty much anything that comes out of Conans mouth is gold

Post Mortem One Liners:

Conan-CromThis is how Conan likes to take a nap

Gratuitous Acts of Violence?
Oh the Killing...We have 83 confirmed kills in this movie which is impressive as they didn't give Conan a gun. Thus we have a huge number of people being decapitated, impaled, crushed, and what not. We have so many notable deaths where do I start? For one Conan's father is eaten by a pack of dogs. Then we have Valeria who is killed with a snake arrow, as in a snake that has been shot from a bow. A throat is ripped out. A man is hung and used as a counterweight for Valeria's escape. Did I already mention that we get at least five decapitations including James Earl Jones. And of course last but not least a woman is thrown into a fire and bursts into magic...

Animal Brutality?
We have a special category for this film because lets face it animals are treated very poorly in this film. Conan's father teaches Conan that you can never trust beasts. Conan takes this to heart and decides to maim or kill every animal he sees. Seven horses are killed out right and several snakes are killed as well. The best animal kill happens when Conan battles a giant snake. He stabs clean through its brain and it is shot in the head with several arrows. Now most people would think that the snake is dead and they would be right. But Conan needed to have a corpse kill so he decided to cut the snakes head off. Conan also kills a pack of at least six dogs and wears there fur as a trophy. Last but not least after getting high on some shrooms, everyone thinks hes drunk in this scene but then I remembered that he had just bought some shrooms in the scene before, Conan knocks a camel out with one mighty punch.

Sexual Content?
Well Conan does have sex in this movie. He is even used as a breeder of warrior children at the beginning. He then has even more sex with Valeria. But because this is the 80s she is brutally killed, by the before mentioned snake arrow. We also see other women get brutalized when Conan makes a raid on James Earl Jones' base. And then again when Conan uses the Princess as bait. And Last of all Conan beats a gay man to death so he can have the gay mans cloths. We see only one Man Ass in Conan and it happens to be Conan's. Mind you we do see some partial Man Ass shots from everyone else. Conan has a healthy 12 breasts and an incredibly impressive one Kooch shot. Conan set that Kooch on fire...pity

No One Will Remember If We Were Good Men Or Bad?
Conan the Barbarian is very good. Its done with lots of subtlety that most movie goers wont pick up. Conan doesn't speak until we are almost 24 minutes into the movie and what he does say is usually profound. The movies theme is that even those who think they can control the masses cant control the guy who sneaks up to you with the massive sword. If you leave Conan with one feeling it should be the urge to learn the riddle of Steel so that you may be able to go to Valhalla.

Misc
Was there a nuclear blast? No
Was someone kicked in the face? No
Did a building explode? No
Did something explode for no reason? Yes Valeria's body exploded for no reason when the put her on the funeral pyre.

Conan the Barbarian is a must watch. 1982 was a good year just because this movie came out that year.

80s Action Week: Road House

Yes Road House, our next installment in the epicness of the 80s. Maybe not the bloodiest of the genre but defiantly one of the most violent films of all time. If I could sum the film up in one sentence It would be...A bar fight of epic proportions.

Gipper Approved?
The film is pretty much about how an evil land owner who wants to own all of the small businesses. Now this alone isn't all that bad but the evil owner Brad (a weak name if I ever heard one) likes to have drunken orgies at his house and Regan would defiantly bring out the Regan Punch for that one. Road House also shows that the police are inept because they are easily paid off by liberal pussies, and that if you want to uphold the law you have to do it yourself, and a little help from your double barreled 12 gage.

One Liners:
Dalton-Pain don't hurt.
Sam Elliot- I'll get all the sleep I need when I'm dead
Tinker-A polar bear fell on me (best Line of the entire movie

Post Mortem One Liners?
Jimmy-I used to fuck guys like you in prison (technically its a pre-mortem)

Note-It was tails

Watch out Dalton, you touch Sam Elliot like that again and your going to be picking up your teeth with your asscheeks

Gratuitous Acts Of Violence?
Well the entire movie is about Dalton who is the greatest bouncer of all time. He decides to bounce an entire rowdy town. Thus the fist fights in this movie are long, numerous, and epic. Sadly only seven people die in this movie and thats at the end. Three notable deaths occurred during the movie. The first being Brad a 90 pound weakling was able to take something like five shotgun slugs in the upper torso before he buys it, the second being Jimmy who gets his throat ripped out and after he is clearly dead Dalton drowns him just to be sure he's really dead. And the last notable death is Sam Elliot. Now I have to count him as a technical kill because he does seem to be dead with a knife in his chest. But we all know that its much harder to kill one of the Man Lords. I honestly believe that he was infact taking a nap and a knife just happened to be placed in his chest. But for the sake of argument I'll count him as a kill.

Sexual Content?

Well for one the main character is named Dalton which is the most gay name on Holy Terra. If you have the name of Dalton in real life you are a fucking pussy end of discussion. But Dalton has some redeeming qualities, like he actually has sex with a woman. This is so unsterotypical for movies of this genre its very refreshing. He however does turn down two other womens sexual advances and so it leaves his sexual orientation in question. Road House leaves us with two man asses to an impressive 20 womens breasts. These are some of the finest examples of female mammarys I have seen on film. Road House also gives us many instances of woman being brutalized as this is the 80s. As the people in the bar fights don't seem to care who they hit we see several women right in the thick of it just like the men, notable mentions is Brads girlfriend who is beaten black and blue, and a girl at the begining who...prepare yourself for this...GETS KICKED IN THE VAGINA. That was funny shit, I fell out of my chair laughing when I saw that little maneuver.

Sex with a woman...Somewhat unexpected coming from a guy named Dalton.

No One Not Even You Will Remember If We Were Good Men Or Bad?
This movie was increadibly campy. The plot was contrived to no ends. But I give it points in that it gave us a look into the nitty gritty world of bouncing. Dalton earned himself a place as the patron saint of bouncing.

Misc
Was there a nuclear blast? No
Was some one kicked in the face? Yes
Did a building explode? Kind of, The buildings were only set on fire but then they had secondary explosions for no reason.
Did something explode for no reason? Yes Dalton's Mercedes Benz

Overall I find Road House to be a fun movie for all members of the family. It gives everyone a greater understanding of the bar world, teaching young drunks how to act in a bar, and reminding the old timers how it used to be in the 70s before bouncers learned to kill. I give Road House 47 kicks to the face because although its awesome, Sam Elliot doesn't kill anyone and because of this very fact we have a very low kill count.

80s Action Week: Rambo First Blood II

I have the honors of starting us off with one of the finest movies of the 80s action genre. Yes it is the Stallone classic Rambo First Blood II. Considered to be the greatest of the Rambo series we will see why Rambo's name went hand in hand with US foreign policy for over a decade.

Gipper Approved?
Yes Rambo II is the epitome of Regan era foreign policy. Set in 1985 when America was still realing from the "defeat" in Vietnam. America knew that she had left many fine warriors in those Crom forsaken Jungles and she wanted them back. Thus Rambo is the desire for every red blooded American to take revenge against Vietnam and get our people back. (What Would Adama Do?) It also shows that you can never trust beltway bureaucrats because they will call off any rescue attempt even when the chopper is mere feet from the LZ just because they hate America (Shane hates America)

One Liners:
Rambo: Murdock I'm coming for you.

Post Mortem One Liners:
None...I was disappointed in the lack of these but then again we are talking about Rambo who kills everything he sees, thus he never really gets to talk much for fear of getting to much blood from his enemies in his mouth.

Gratuitous acts of Violence?
Well first of all Rambo's favorite weapon is a fucking Bow. All the guys who get killed by Rambo's bow have to stop and think "I just got killed by an arrow...How weird is that?" He kills over a dozen guys with the Bow alone. He also destroys a Soviet Hind helicopter with a LAW. Rambo also destroys a Village and a POW camp. There are so many unique kills but if I had to choose my favorite it would be the guy he blew up with an explosive arrow. Rambo's vehicle count is one vehicle convoy and the already mentioned Hind. Tell you the truth I lost count with all the kills but I'm going to say that a conservative estimate would be around 75 and a more realistic estimate of being at least one hundred kills. The best Corpse kill we get is when the POWs shoot the gunnery crew inside the Hind and then a few short minutes later Rambo takes out the entire chopper.

A bow hunter who is bent on revenge?

Sexual Content?

Normally I would count how many titties we can see but alas we see none nadda zippo in Rambo II. However I also count how many man asses we see. Rambo is special in that we don't just get a short glimpse at Stallone's muscular ass. No we get to see a full frontal nude shot. His massive Rifle and all. We also get to see some women being brutalized because we all know that during the 80s women who didn't return to the kitchen were brutaly murdered. Rambo's love interest is brutally gunned down only seconds after Rambo agrees to bring her back to the USA, thus causing Rambo to return to the POW camp and start his epic masterpiece of slaughter.

Enjoy it while it lasts boys because she is the only girl in this movie

No One Not Even You Will Remember If We Were Good Men Or Bad?
This movie is actually pretty damn good. Sure Rambo is able to kill the entire Vietnamese army with his cock. But the fact that the character of John Rambo who is tortured by a nation who did not appreciate his self sacrifice, is able to funnel his self loathing into pure rage is extremely good.

Misc
Was there a nuclear blast? No
Was someone kicked in the face? No
Did a building blow up? yes an entire POW camp and a Village
Did somthing explode when it shouldnt have? well all of the huts exploded as if they were packed with at least one hundred tons of TNT each.

There you go Rambo First Blood II for our first day of 80s aciton reviews. I give this film 138 kicks to the face because it was just so damn awesome. I eagerly await Rambo's fourth film coming out next year.

Epic Tales 4

Fathers Day is today and I broke out the ole Book of Epic Tales so that I could tell you why we celebrate it.

In the Beginning Chuck Norris created the Earth. He created it because he saw that the rest of the universe was filled with Fucking Xenos and did not like the idea of a universe filled with them. He did not want to go to any old planet that had even the slightest taint of Xeno scum. So he decided to build a planet that would be free and where he could place creatures of his own design.

Chuck Norris built Holy Terra in only 15 seconds as that was all the time he needed to scoop matter from the star Sol and formed it into a planet. He then imagined many forms of plant life and they grew from the ground. He then imagined animals, and they sprang forth. He finally created women. He thought of the one thing that would give him a massive hard on more then killing. (And thats why women are the fairer sex, thus the most beautiful things on the planet besides the F-22 Raptor)

Chuck Norris then invited his friend Crom who he gave a pent house under the Mountains. Crom would choose who would enter Valhalla and who would forever be a bitch. Chuck Norris then built himself the sacred city of Sparta where he would rule. When Sparta was finally finished he declared, "THIS IS SPARTA!!!"

Chuck Norris one day had a visitor. It was Satan. She was nagging him about how he left the Andromada galaxy uninhabitable. Chuck Norris calmly walked over to Satan and then kicked her in the face so hard that she was sent into the under world. Chuck looked down at her and told her that you do not fuck with Chuck. And that is why Satan is forever the lady of Hell.

Chuck Norris didn't like those asshole Andromedans

Lord Norris looked on the world and was pleased, with the world he had created. That is until he realized that women in the wild were not acting very violent. Sure they would have to mud wreslte or cat fight but in general he found that they were not up to killing massive amounts of Xenos. Lord Norris pondered this for a while. He then decided that he would have to have sex with each and every woman on earth, in the hopes that a solution would come to him.

Nine months later each and every woman had a child. Half of these children were males. The first of a new breed of human. A breed that found the thought of peace disgusting, and violence the only way one could leave Chuck Norris's Paradise. Now out of the males we find two distinct variations. Pirates and Ninjas.

Some say that you can be both a Pirate and a Ninja this is a LIE. Only Chuck Norris has the genes of both Piratse and Ninjas. Every one else is one or the other the Pirate of course being the more numorus as Ninjas have high mortality rates as they set out to kill Xenos only minutes after they punch there way out of the womb.

Mr T is forever remembered as Chuck Norris's Eldest son

Chuck Norris found his eldest sons and named them Vin Diesel, Leonidas, Mr. T, Sam Elliot, and Charles Bronson. He told them that they were the Man Lords and that they would have to teach humanity how to kick ass and take names. He told them that they would have to one day lead humanity into the stars and to conquer every last Xeno.

And that is the tale of how Chuck Norris single handedly fathered all of mankind. So for this Fathers day lets have a special thanks to the Immortal God Emperor...Chuck Norris

Dragonforce FTW

I was listening to DragonForce the other day and it hit me like Micheal Chickless' meaty fists.

DragonForce is all about going into battle against all odds and winning valor. No other band writes songs that are that near and dear to my heart. Most bands write about love in one way or another if its not trying to get love, keeping love, or loosing love. But what if you love battle? What if the only place you feel comfortable is where the largest amount of lead is being directed at. If thats you then DragonForce writes songs to comfort your incredibly manly soul.

Its also true that DragonForce plays guitar faster then any other band alive. When Chuck Norris feels like he needs some slow love making music he puts in Sonic Firestorm. Thats of course because Chuck Norris is the fastest man alive and repeatedly beat the Flash with his massive cock so as to keep the Flash from getting to cocky.

DragonForce should probably not be used as driving music as you will drive on average 88 miles per hour over the speed limit. And the speeding ticket that you would incure would be well over nine thousand dollars. But DragonForce should be used if your an F-15 E Strike Eagle driver as the F-15 E drivers can appreciate the epic nature of DragonForce.



Your average DragonForce song is about a group of BAMFs riding into battle against unknown evils (usually armies of undead and dragons) Then they will pray to Crom and ask for valor. And through the might of there rock do they defeat all who oppose them.

I can't actually give you an accurate kick in the face rating for DragonForce because the kicks in the face they give me are so fast that I lost count.

I don't know what she is doing but I'm sure shes getting ready to fuck up Creed the worst band of all time

Tribute to a BAMF: Rod Serling

Rod Serling was the mans man. He would pound the snot out of people just because they looked at him funny, Jumped out of the sky because they were surley or just plain spin epic tales. Some of you don't know who Rod Serling is. You probably think that he must be a pussy. Your wrong and your infact the the major pussy.

Rod Serling Burst from his mothers womb on Christmas Eve of 1924, because he wanted to ruin Christmas for the medical staff. He hit the nurse in the ovaries just to make sure her Christmas Day would be very painful. Rod grew up with so much hate that he decided to go into the most hateful sport of all time, Boxing. It's said that he crushed 12 Irish Boxers at once with his massive fists.

Then America went to war with Japan. Rod being an incredibly angry fellow decided that it would be best to teach the Japanese a lesson about fucking with Chuck Norris' homeland. He enlisted in the Army and joined the Airborne. He then jumped out of a perfectly good airplane and beat Admiral Yamamoto to death with the good admirals own skull.

By the end of the war Rod had killed at least one hundred Japs in hand to hand combat and over 9000 kills with his M1 rifle. He was decorated with many medals including the Bronze Star.

Since the world was not at war Rod despaired. So he found an epic book of tails that was different but still similar to the book of epic tales. Rod would tell tales about people who were tools and were sucked into the magical place called the Twilight Zone. His tales gave the American people a strong hatred of Xenos and the super natural. This of course made the Immortal God Emperor very happy and Rod was given title and rank in the Imperial Guard.

Rod told the tale of when Cpt Kirk did battle with a menstrual Satan

Rod was ushered to join the fight against the Xenos on a far off world. It is said that Rod Serling shot down a Necron war ship with his penis. Unfortunately his whereabouts are unknown as of now but I have a feeling that one day he will return to earth and spin even more epic tales about Xenos from the Twilight Zone

What has a Panda ever done for you?

I'm sick of hearing about how the pandas are going extinct because of me. For one I didn't realize that I was the direct cause of China's out of control population thus the cause for the pandas habitat being taken and used by the increasing population.

Pandas seem to be one of the worst creatures on Earth. They can't have sex because they don't like sex or something. Thats why scientist have developed Panda Viagra. Most species will in fact try to reproduce offspring to keep the species alive. But Pandas just don't give a damn. Humans are the ones who are forcing them to breed. Thats like saying the Eldar force Humans to breed. Fuck the Eldar, and fuck people for forcing a species that doesn't want to fuck to fuck.

Pandas also are horrible parents. I was reading in a news paper a while back about how many baby pandas are abandoned every year. When you consider the fact that like 80% of them are abandoned just means Pandas don't want to raise young.

Yep thats pretty much all they ever do, sit and eat...Lazy assholes I say

It's pretty evident that the Panda doesn't want to survive. They don't act like a species that wants to survive. I say we let them do what they wish and just eat them all. It's not like they do anything for the world at large. Infact besides them not having sex all I can think of Pandas doing is sitting around and eating. So the Panda is natures version of Shane, a complete waste of food and oxygen. Maybe Shane should give the Pandas lessons in being the most stupid life form of all time.

I propose that we start cloning the Pandas just so I can eat them as they are on the top of my list of things to eat before I die, right next to T-Rex, and Revenge ( I hear Revenge is best when it is served cold)