Games of the Year 2008.

So the year 2008 was going to be pimptastic as far as games were going to be concerned right? Well not really although I did find some real gems out in the gaming world I just found most of the fair to be meh at best. I don't understand this. This was going to be a good year. I mean the game systems were supposed to be broken in. Developers had been working on games for the current systems for years now, thus fully understanding the limitations to the games. But then this wasn't the problem with games this year was it?

The biggest problem with game design anymore isn't that the game is broken, although this does occur on such a frequented basis that you've got to wounder if they even test some games before they ship them. No the problem is that we have no creativity in games anymore. No one wants to go and make a new game that doesn't have a number in its name. In fact pretty much every game I played this year was a squeal. This just really saddens me to know that no one has the balls to do something different and with the intention of only doing ONE GAME.

So with that out of the way lets get to top games.

Top SCI FI Shooter for 2008

• GEARS OF WAR 2

Thats Fucking Team Work

I really liked this game because it had so much action that it gave me a massive kill boner that I had to pour ice on just so it wouldn't rip through the wall and bring down the entire house. It also had a somewhat better then average story for the action genera. My personal favorite part is when Dom who is always the cheerful member of Delta squad has to make a very tough choice and give up the one he loves the most. And then his best friend Marcus comes up with a plan to sneak into the Locust hive, but being a good friend to Dom asks Dom if he wants to sneak in which Dom of course needing revenge says no, thus they take on the Locust hord straight on like the manly men they are. GoW2 also just felt more like the Cogs were fighting a real war.

Top RTS for 2008

• Dawn of War Soul Storm

Okay this was not a very good expansion. But since 2008 was a shity year for RTS's I had to come up with something. First Soul Storm had the problem of having its Developer go under as soon as the game was released. The second problem is that they added factions for the sake of having factions. They added the Sisters of Battle for no reason other then they needed another Imperial faction. Then they made it so that the Sisters would fight their fellow brothers of the Imperial Guard and the Emperors most beloved angels the Space Marines for some convoluted reason. I want to see a Warhammer 40k game where the Imperial work together much like they did in Dawn of War and Winter Assault. The only real plus side to this game is that I was able to gain glory to the Emperor as the Blood Ravens once more, the honor of destroying the foul traitors of the Imperium brings me enough joy ot give Soul Storm an award.

Top Shooter (Modern combat) for 2008

• Rainbow Six Vegas 2

Rainbow Six Vegas 2 was fun. I was able to get weapons and blow the shit out of terrorists in the most delightful way. But unfortunately it does lack. I again blame the writing. The first RB6 Vegas game has you as the team leader Logan who was betrayed by the traitor Gabe. Well in the squeal your not Logan your Bishop Logan and Gabes mentor and your the one on the epic quest for revenge even though your team wasn't betrayed or undermined. Don't ask questions. Oh and Gabe is a total pussy. He decided to betray his country because Bishop would yell at him during training. THIS IS NOT HOW YOU WRITE A VILLAIN WHO HAS ALMOST DESTROYED AMERICA! On the plus side I did like how the game had builtin scoring for shooting people through cover, head shots, explosives, ect.

BOOM HEADSHOT!

Top Racing Game for 2008

• Grand Theft Auto IV

Thats right I did it. GTAIV isn't a racing game per say but it does have cars, and it does let me run over bitches doing Yoga in a park. Infact this game is so fun that I usually just do donuts over old people in front of a cop shop just so I can race the police in my stolen semi truck.

Top Game Delta2 Did Not Play for 2008.

• Left 4 Dead and Dead Space

This is unprecedented in history. Thats right I put two games up for this. Thats because I'm a cheap bastard due to my replacement of my old pimpmobile to my current model. (Shit the new pimpmobile is even gold encrusted, that puts a Nigger back a few Hamilton's, has to have his hoes working double shifts to pay for that) Anyway both games have things I love to kill. Dead Space I get to improvise tools for weapons and kill Alien zombies. And then in Left 4 Dead I get to try to survive World War Z. I Loathe the undead so much. That is why both of these games are on the top of my list of games to play this year.

Top Party Game for 2008

• Rock Band 2

This one is pretty easy. Rock Band 2 has shit loads of songs you can down load and its got the ability to move your songs from Rock Band 1 onto it. It also has more custom shit to add to your pimping band. For the Record my bands named the Sexy Hamburgers.

Top Game for 2008

• Grand Theft Auto IV

SHIT YES SON. I love GTAIV and I didn't even beat it yet. Thats because I have to much fun doing shit other then the main story, which can be looked at as its only down side. I love the fact that I get a character that I can kind of relate to compared to the previous guys. Niko Bellic is from Eastern Europe, like me. He committed crimes against humanity, like me. He does evil things to make a buck, like me. And he doesn't use drugs, like me. Niko loves killing shit. When a friend of him asks him to dump a couple of bodies in the river he says sure, I'll also make sure that I put a bullet in your head because you do to much Cocaine you stupid pig. GTAIV also has a multiplayer mode which is delightful. Delta Leader and I have spent many a night frolicking around Liberty City where we cause copious amounts of mayhem and chaos (not the kind of Chaos that defies the Emperor though) This game was just so well rounded that I had to put it as top game this year.

Welcome To America Bitches

OTHER AWARDS I LIKE TO GIVE OUT BECAUSE I CAN

Most Stupid Story

• Star Wars The Force Unleashed

So you're an agent for Darth Vader who's far more powerful than any Jedi Knight onscreen. You are used to form the Rebel Alliance so that you distract the Emperor for Vader while he trys to steal the Imperial throne. The Emperor is smarter than this and beats your ass down. This story is just stupid in so many ways. A Sith assassin created the Rebellion? The Emperor was on the first Death Star? And why are Imperial Pilots so damn sexy?

Best Weapon

• Lancer (Gears of War 2)

So the Lancer is an old weapon from the previous game. Doesn't mean its still not one of the most cool sci fi weapons ever. That mother fucker has a Chainsaw instead of a bayonet. Thats just fucking cool

Greatest NPC

• Augustus Cole (Gears of War 2)

I would have put Dom in for this one but you already play as him in CoOp so hes not really a NPC. The cut scene that reintroduces us to Cole Train is so awesome your going to grow a second penis just to enjoy it. THE COLE TRAIN IS A SMOOTH RIDE!

Most Guilty Pleasure

• Doing doughnuts in a park over Yoga people (GTAIV)

Hello 2009

So I've been thinking a lot about the past year of 2008 the year of our Lord Norris and Its been pissing me off. You see I made a lot of predictions last year and the only one that didn't come true was the fact that Britney Spears is still alive.

With that out of the way lets face it last year really really sucked balls. So to recap 2008 we had a presidential election which was probably the global high point of the year. Rambo infact was the shit as well as the Dark Knight being the top movie of the year. I would also go and say that Gears of War 2 and GTA IV were the best games to come out. I had flashbacks to Mexico city when I had to return to Mexico in Rainbow Six Vegas 2 which although was fun was somewhat buggy in online play. Some good shit went down that I wont go into detail about. I got a new pimpmobile. Delta Leader and I were also schooled in the ways that Rock Band was a really fun game. That was the good.

For the bad we had a major offensive by the Taliban, the global economy took a nose dive, my girl friend left me because of my family, I had to support my family financially by myself (note that these last two are intertwined) Terrorists attacked India, they tore down a bridge that would make my commute across the Mississippi river much easier, I nearly bled to death (which should also go on the list of most Pimp acts of the year) George Carlin and Don Lafontaine both passed away, a B2 Bomber crashed, Iron Maiden didn't come out with a new Album (it wasn't supposed to come out but every year I don't get new Maiden I just die a little). Actually I could go on for ever.

Okay predictions for 2009

• The Republicans will bitch about how they could run the economy better even though they drove it right into the ground.
• The Economy will be still be very shitty for the whole year.
• I will have my own place in which I can pray to Crom for the first time.
• I will go on an epic crusade for the Immortal God Emperor of Man, Beloved by All
• Delta2s consumption of yogurt will increase (note Watch Burn Notice to understand why)
• Some stupid bitch will do something to piss Delta 2 off so much that he will right a blog about how much he hates her.

Well those are my predictions for 2009. Lets hope that this year doesn't suck as bad as last year but i doubt that will happen.