Announcement

So I guess I have to put it out there to all those horny fans of mine.

I'm getting married.

I wish I could say that this is new and that I'm announcing it to everyone but I'm actually extremely lazy and I just haven't updated the blog in six months so I forgot to add this to it. Anywho I found a girl who is all like shit son I want to be your wife and I'm like shit I guess I need some one to wash my clothes, alright I'll marry you. Except it didn't go down like that at all. We got engaged back in July so we've been doing lots of homework on how to do a wedding right and cheap, but since we're lazy its going to be another year and a half before any wedding.

So if my pimping is reduced we all know why. Thank you and happy new year I'll try to update more often from now on.

Nintendo color me unimpressed

Nintendo unveiled the next best thing in their press release at E3. Oh I'm so excited what is it? I hope its another gimmick like the wii mote. Oh I hope Nintendo reinvents gaming like it did with the wii. I get so much game play out of mine, and it doesn't just sit in the entertainment center gathering dust while the 360 is getting constant play...Oh wait.

So Nintendo unveiled that the new Nintendo system is called wii-u...WHAT THE FUCK? okay Nintendo just stopped trying. I mean each system has actually had a different name until now. We had the NES, (Nintendo Entertainment System) Super Nintendo, Nintendo 64 and of course the Game Cube. Now we have the wii which is lower case for some unknown reason and they can't even come up with a new name so they are just adding a random letter at the end of the wii to make up for lack of imagination or at least a letter like Microsoft and Sony do.

Any who you must be asking yourself whats new with the new console. Well Nintendo decided to add a touch screen into the controller. Okay that isn't too bad right? except this is Nintendo do you can use it to have a mini map on the screen instead of the mini map being just a click away or at the side of the screen. You can use the screen to put off of while playing wii sports...THAT'S FUCKING STUPID!!! That's the greatest thing? During the press release people cheered like idiots because some asshole put the controller on the ground and then grabbed a wii mote and golfed off of it...SO FUCKING WHAT. While golfing from wii Sports I never needed to put off of a controller.

Giving Nintendo credit where it is due the screen does look very sharp

I will give Nintendo this though you can apparently play Super Mario Bros off of the built in controller screen instead of the TV, so if some one wants to watch TV your not having to worry about finding a save point. That is a nice feature. However for people like me the point is moot as I have my own home now and I own both the TV and the Xbox so I stop playing Xbox when I say I'm done.

Now of course this doesn't solve any of Nintendos other problems being mainly that they make weak assed systems that can't play any 3rd party games that don't look like ass. And I really mean it all 3rd party games look like garbage. The only reason 1st party games that Nintendo makes don't look like total ass is because they are all CARTOONS. Its a lot easier to render a cartoon in a half decent light then it is to some semi realistic looking person. Also it appears at least at the press release that the wii mote will still be used. So now we have two goofy looking controllers and no way to play any game well. Good one Nintendo you have yet again come up with a way for me to not play your games because you wont come out with a controller that fits in my hands.

In short I find this bull shit gimmick play of Nintendos growing old. Just focus on making a system that people will play and games that don't look like ass. I don't care if the graphics look like the second coming of Crom just so they have some level of polish. I have a feeling though that this new Nintendo will sell far fewer units than the first after every one realizes that it really is just more of the same of the wii and no one ever plays the wii anyway. But then again this is Nintendo and people will buy all things Nintendo just because they can get something with Mario smeared all over it.

VICTORY

OSAMA BIN LADEN GOT HIS ASS KILLED!!!

FUCKER HAD IT COMING!!!

THE GIRL ON THE LOWES COMERCIALS HAS A FREAKY HEAD

So Lowe's has a commercial about a newly wed couple who just bought a lemon of a house and they keep on having to call their parents to get fix it up advice, cue Lowe's and they're like we'll help you. Cute commercial right?

WRONG*

The girl in the commercial has a head that weighs about 50% her body mass. It is huge, if you Google Lowe's girls forehead you'll get returns its that huge

To Terra Form Mars

Artists Rendition of A Kick Ass Terra Formed Mars

So I was watching this special about Terra forming Mars which if you don't know what Terra forming is your stupid. It is to make a dead planet more like Holy Terra, AKA give it a breathable atmosphere. If we are to ever really colonies Mars then we need to make it livable and if it is livable then we can transplant plant life on to mars and then we shall complete the Duel Kingdom of Holy Terra and Mars in the Sol system.

So anyway I was watching this special on Nat Geo, and this asshole comes on and says that Mars might have its own native microbes that could turn into life and we shouldn't put our plants on Mars or even interfere with the life on Mars and instead study it because we could learn a whole bunch from it.

He has an attitude kind of like they have on Star Trek, that you don't mess with mircobeial life because it might in a billion years evolve into life like ours. WELL FUCK YOU, YOUR A PUSSY LUDDITE WHO WOULD RATHER WATCH OUR SPECIES PERISH THEN SEE A MICROBE DIE...That's all I wanted to say as I think we all know that not Terra forming Mars is a very stupid idea as having two habitable planets in the same star system is much much better than one.

Games of the Year 2009

Sadly I was unable to play many of 2009s top games this time around because I left the nest last year and I just don't have the kind of funds that I used to have. Lets kick this off anyway though shant we?

RTS Game of the Year Dawn of War IIWell that's an easy one as I didn't play any other RTS game this year and the only one that was mildly interesting besides DoW would be Halo Wars and I vowed to never pay even half price on a RTS for the Xbox. Now I really loved DoW and I love the Immortal God Emperor of Mankind, so of course this game was trailer made for me. DoW II changed up the system by making it a much more tactical game, wargear is also very important so now its more like the table top game then before. My only regret is that I was unable to send the traitors of Chaos to their deaths, oh well coming out in a couple months we have the first DoW II expansion.
FPS Game of the Year Left 4 Dead 2

I loved Left 4 Dead, it let me kill mountains of undead. Left 4 Dead 2 does everything that Left 4 Dead did but does it with more polish, weapons, and more diversity. This time around each campaign is inter connected as the journey of the 4 playable survivors. L4D2 allows for so much zombie murdering goodness that I get a boner just thinking about that mass slaughter.

Sci Fi FPS Game of the Year Halo 3 ODST

Now I hear lots of bitching about this game as its not really a full game and that it way overpowers the ODST trooper so that he is Master Chief Light and these are all true. However I am a simple man who hates all Xenos, traitors, heretics, mutants, undead, droids, and of course Nazis. Well Halo is about an intergalactic war with Xenos so of course I'm going to love it. I also love Firefly and guess what ODST reunites the cast of Firefly and anytime I can play as Adam Baldwin automatically means this game is given a +3 bonus for awesome.

Hellz yes I love all manners of Space Marines

Paradise Lost

Its been 8 years since terrorists hijacked and flew two planes into the World Trade Center, one into the Pentagon and a last plane into a field in Pennsylvania .

I remember that day very clearly 8 years later. I was a freshmen in high school. We had just gone into my first period class of Civics to take a text on the high school handbook when we learned about the first plane hitting the WTC. Through out the day teachers and students were glued to the TVs watching as the horrors of that day unraveled. I watched as both towers came down as I remember the confusion as to how many planes had gone down, and how many were hijacked. That day changed my life as well as every other person in the western world.

For me it was when true innocence was lost. People in the world wanted me dead, and would pull off evil schemes the likes of a James Bond villain. I knew that we were the good guys and they were the bad guys and they needed to die.

Fast forward eight years later and yes the world is a different place. But now I don't know if we Americans are the good guys any more. Don't mince my words. Terrorists need to die and in droves. Killing innocents for no other reason then to do harm is evil and should be punished with the full might of the western world. However it does not excuse the United States for the evils it has committed over the past 8 years in response to Terror.

The United States now commits atrocities such as torture, and punishing peoples without due process. We have engaged in two brush fire wars where friends of mine have gone and returned scared emotionally as well as physically. We have damaged the friendship to many of our friends and allies, we have so run down the Canadian Armed forces that they will soon be combat ineffective. An entire army will be so run down that it will have to take a year just to refit itself.

I feel as if Osama Bin Laden has won his jihad against the West. We are paranoid, we give up our freedoms in the name of security (I'm looking at the Patriot Act) Politics in America has boiled down to an opposition movement who shrieks nonstop about how we must repay Islam sevenfold for what happened on this day eight years ago. These same people don't see the Irony of our boys going over to their country's and having us cause massive amounts of civilian casualtys all in the name of our own security.

I hate and despise these people. They will bring up the events of this day and then smear it about so that they can get the kind of controls over our society that they have always wanted. Now they can have access into my own home making sure I do what "God" wants of me. The funny thing is that this is exactly like what radical Islam wants of me. So if your sitting around trumping up about how America is Gods gift to the world and to prove it you bring up 9-11 (which by the way don't actually make any scense as 9-11 appears to be a form of punishment but what do I know) well you can go fuck yourself up the ass with a gigantic dildo.