Lets Party Like its 2006

So the year is coming to an end. Its time to sit back and take a look at the past year. Yes, I know 2006 blew as a year. But it was an entire 365 days. I'm sure we can compile a list of good things that did happen.

Things that did NOT blow of 2006

• Saddam Husain's execution
• The Burger King guy
• The Chuck Norris craze
  
• Casino Royal
• Company of Hero's
  
• Battlestar Galactica Seasons two a
  nd three
• The decision to have eight planets (Yes Pluto is not a planet)
• World War Z and the Alphabet of Manliness were both published
  

Now for things that did blow for 2006.

Things that DID blow of 2006

• Britney Spears had another kid
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had a kid
• Lil Kim got nukes
• To few good movies came out
• Troops died in Iraq
• The Nintendo Wii
• EA still has not fixed BF2
• Regis Philbin
• The Dixie Chicks crawled out from under their rock
• Not enough foods were filled with cheese
• No war to conquer a xeno menace was fought
• No Batman movie came out this year

So thats a list of things that were either good or bad. I have to admit this last year really did suck ma balls pretty hard but I guess we do have hope for 2007.

Who am I kidding? 2007 is going to suck just as bad a

s 2006. Thats because every year is genearlly just as bad as the year before it. The world will always suck so its not really worth being overly optomistic about it. I prefer a cautoiusly optomistic out look on a new year as this next year might see a cure for cancer, peace on earth ect... But its probably going to blow so I don't dash my hopes by putting much stock in the next year.

Predictions for the

year of 2007

• People will die
• People will be born
• Politicians will spend my money
• Third world nations won't get any better
• Lindsay Lohan will be drunk
• A good TV program will be canceled in place of a shitty one
• John Madden will be in another shitty football video game
• Muslims will blow themselves up so they can get
  pussy in heaven
  
  The dude says to take the next year easy
  

So heres to 2007, its going to be another year of mediocrity.

What a waste of my time

So every year we go through the Christmas season. And every year it becomes less and less special. What causes "the most wonderful time of the year" to suck ma balls so hard?

Christmas was one of those holidays that was fabricated. It was fabricated first by the Christian church because it lacked any holidays. Its actually thought that Jesus was born in the spring as that was the traditional tax season in Isreal.

It was fabricated again as the department store grew in power. It needed an excuse to start selling to the consumer. Thus the invention of todays Santa Clause. Christmas is the life blood of the American retail industry. Most retailers don't make a profit until the 4th quarter of the fiscal year.

Thus we see why its so important for the national economy to have Christmas. What I hate though is how Christmas has to start on November 1st. Thats almost two months of nonstop Christmas bombardment.

Take Christmas music. Some of its bad. Some of its good. But do we have to every song three times a day for two months straight. (that was a very rough guess on my part) Last week I figured that every song repeated every 40 minutes or so. Sure it was a different artist. But it was the same god damn song.

Now we move to family. Christmas is supposed to be a time of year that you love and appreciate your family even more. Its the time of year where you pick out perfect gifts for those you love.

Its also the time of year where those same people will bust your balls, break your heart, and generally use you until your a hollow used up mess. And after all the time and effort you put into finding them gifts you find out that the forget about you and then blame it on you because you were supposedly home to much even though you're working more hours than they are. (true story)

The holiday has so much weight put onto it that it seems to be cheapened. Like how the guilt me into giving money to this charity or that because some people aren't as fortunate as myself. Don't get me wrong. Even though I am cold and heartless I do give to charities. I think that I'm a generous guy for being a moneyless college student. But I hate it when I'm again bombarded from every form of media about how I should give to this charity or that charity. Hey assholes I'm already in debt don't fucking push your luck.

And how comes your automatically a Scrooge or a Grinch if you don't present a happy face? I was called this several times last week by my coworkers, even though I had made it clear that I was not in a good mood due to the fact that I was forced to work odd hours and just finished up with finals.

The public in general treats everyone else like shit this time of year anyway. They can't possibly understand that the rest of us want to go home and spend time with our families. I run into customers who truly believe that I have nothing better to do than to ruin their perfect Christmas. I really don't give a damn how their Christmas goes. If I say I can't do something for them its probably because I have a memo from corporate that says I can't or its because I am physically incapable of fulfilling their wishes.

In conclusion Christmas is one of those holidays that is quiet nice in theory. Unfortunately it has been so over commercialized and twisted. Lets take a step back and remember what the true meaning of Christmas is about and that its being able to have unconditional love for your loved ones. Don't fuck it up by being a general dick.

Because Santa Cat Makes Me Happy

America Harden The Fuck Up

So America has really been become soft over the past few decades. We used to be the country where dreams come true, if only you had the determination to follow your dreams. Not anymore. Today America has become so soft it makes me sick.

Back in the day we had a hard core group of people. They were raised in the depression that was caused by their moron parents. They fought WWII which was caused by asshats from across the globe. That generation didn't bitch about how their parents beat them as kids. They didn't bitch about not having money. They didn't see a problem with going over seas to fight a war they had no stake in. FUCK NO.A moment that Hardened America the fuck up

America said fuck you to poverty. America said fuck you to the Krauts and the Japs. That generation won WWII. They came home made a shit load of kids. They built up America into an a true super power. They put man on the moon. The greatest generation was truly great. They went through tough times at first but didn't bitch and moan, they took what they wanted in life.

Some one once told me that Money doesn't buy you happiness. Its true if you haven't earned that money. The problem is that the concept of earning happiness is lost to these dim wits. In my case money buys me some semblance of happiness because I buy things with money I earn. Even with friendships you must actually earn them. You have to invest time and energy into a friendship if you want dividends. If you want to have a rewarding relationship with the opposite sex you must put effort in keeping those people interested and happy. Today this basic concept is lost among my peers.

I blame this on the Baby Boomers. They were the children of the great generation that worked and fought to make America great. This Great generation sent their children to school, to universities. These children grew up not earning a thing becuase their parents loved them so much that they were given the world. Did the baby boomers apreciate this gift of love. Hell no.

Now they are the generation thats in power. They are the ones to blame for the problems with the national budget, the war in Iraq, and any number of cultural problems. They thought that they could run around the world with mittens on. Fight wars where no one dies, be friends with communists. Now we are about to have the Chinese economy become the strongest in the world. Ronald Regan is very upset with how America is dealing with communism.

We now have to medicate our children. We listen to rap. We watch shit like Queer as Folk and Big Brother. We bitch about video games as the cause to all of the problems of youth of today. We blame Mexico for Americans not having jobs. We have Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan, and Lance Bass.

If this is all we have to offer than we truly are fucked

America has become a giant Vagina. Hey asshole why don't you get up off your ass and start working harder than that Mexican. Hey parents why don't you admit that you don't actually pay attention to your kids and thats why your kid is violent. America has lost sight of what made us so great. We are a nation of pussies because we never earned our happiness. We were given everything by the WWII generation. The Baby Boomers have squandered everything that was given to them and they never earned anything in return. I only hope that gen X and Y has enough balls to take back what is rightfully Americas.

America stop bitching about why some people in the world hate us. You think we ever gave that any thought when the Japs bombed Pearl Harbor? FUCK NO. We said "WHO FUCKING BOMBED OUR FLEET?" and then we dropped the bomb on the Japanese.

I remember after 9/11 we would have class discussions about Terrorism and what not. People always wanted to know why they hate us. I'll tell you why they hate us. Its because we are the richest and most powerful nation in the world and they feel jealous of us. What America wants America takes. If you have oil we'll take that oil. Thats what makes America great. We are the only nation in the world that gets what it wants. We can be like every other nation in the world. And then we wont have all of those preciouses that we want. If your reading my blog than that means you have electricity and that means your benefiting from the American way of doing things around the world.

God Bless America

Next time you feel like a puss and want to blame your unhappiness on other outside causes, you should remember what your grandparents or great grandparents had to go through.

AMERICA HARDEN THE FUCK UP

Why nerds shall inherit the earth.

So the other day I was invited to a party. Lots of drinking and "having fun" would have been going on as a keg was supposed to be present. I was told to then invite all of Delta Force as it was going to be a blast. Naturally I was polite and said that I would pass on the message to the rest of Delta Force.

Of course this party would occupie the same time slot that BSG occupied. Thus I opted to watch BSG with Delta Force and play Guitar Hero's. We rocked all through the night and had what I consider to be real fun.

Two days later I go grab some Jesus Juice from the soda machine at work. I turn around and see a coworker with a very sheepish grin on her face. I'm like "What have you done?" and she responds that she got a ticket for underage drinking. I had a mighty lolergasm. Then I get more information out of her and I put two and two together. The cops came to the party that I had in fact opted to not go to because of a noise complaint at one in the morning. Not only that but the people who invited me and also owned the residence at which the party was held had just pissed off their new neighbors. (The party was supposed to be a house warming party, YEAH RLY)

Over 20 people had recieved underage drinking tickets including the residence. Now sure its just a ticket, but I would like to point out that one of those tickets cost $180, and I would prefer to put that kind of cash into something like say a new video card. The point is that because of my nerd like sense of fun I was able to avoid a very embarrassing and costly episode.

What I'm getting at is that people like me are much smarter than the rest of you dumb shits. We stay in and rock our faces off listening to metal, while you go out and get STDs, DUIs (Don't get me on the DUIs, Ive had 3 coworkers get them within 2 months) Although I love how you'll then tell me how your smarter than that and wont get caught. Guess what asshole I'm smarter than that, YOU ARE NOT SMARTER THAN ME. Humanity at its finest,

I have an idea shit heads, if your going to drink why don't you drink at a small gathering where the cops aren't going to show up. It makes sense to me. Of course I don't know anything because I don't like to have fun. And for those of you who are like but you can also meet chicks at parties. Oh yeah because I want to start a relationship with some one I met while I was probably doing incredibly stupid shit and was defiantly not at the top of my mental game, although I have to be very wasted to actually be beaten by you on your very best day.

So lessons to be learned. People like Bill Gates didn't party in college. People like George W Bush did. Both men are extremely powerful, but Bill will be powerful till the day he dies, while Bush is powerful until he leaves office in January 2009. Also Gates isn't the punch line to every joke on the Daily Show and he makes money every time you log onto your computer.

Patron Saints

I have been working on this concept for quiet a while. Some people are just so good at what they do that they become saints of sorts. These great men become Patron Saints of all things great, like lesser gods of politheistic religions.

Here is a list of patron saints, mind you this is not a complete list as we find new saints every day.

Admiral Ackbar- Patron Saint of smelling out a trap. Ackbar knew a trap when he saw one and moved to save his fleet at Endor. Any lesser man would have led his fleet into the Death Stars shields.

Patrick Swayze- Patron Saint of bouncers. Being a bouncer is a tough job and the greatest of bouncers is Patrick Swayze. Nearly 80% of Road House was a bar fight and the bouncer who kept his cool was Swayze.

Chuck Norris- Patron Saint 0f the round house kick. No one can ever merge the Pirate and Ninja like Norris. For he is the progenitor of all man. His manly visage is usually the last thing bad guys see before his snake skinned cowboy boot enters their brain.

Maddox- Patron Saint of the internet. For Maddox embodies the very essence of the internet, minus the 98% of the internet that is porn. Maddox is a man with huge nuts, and the most bitchen website in the universe.

Carl Weathers- Patron Saint of stew. Sure Carl Weathers was an incredible football player, and one of the finest actors to ever bless the big screen, but his stew is probably his greatest accomplishment

Max Brooks- Patron Saint of undead warfare. Max wrote two books that have forever changed my life. His knowlege about the undead and how to fight them have prepared me for the future where I must battle hordes of undead.

Admiral William "Husker" Adama- Patron Saint of getting people back. Adama has yet to fail at getting his people back. Life gave him shit when the Cylons attacked and he made kickassery with that shit, because Adama never lets a person get left behind.

Vasiliy Zeitsef- Patron Saint of sniping. That guy actually knew how to snipe unlike some cock sucking traitors. He killed hundreds of Krauts at Stalingrad just because he felt like it. He was probably the most hard rusky to ever walk the earth.

Animal Mother- Patron Saint of the LMG. Animal Mother used an M-60 like some people use high powered snipers rifles. I even hear that he shaves with his M-60 on full auto.

Charlton Heston- Patron Saint of fire arms. To make him a saint would be a demotion. For Heston truly is a god among us. Back in 04 I didn't vote for Bush or Kerry. I voted for MY PRESIDENT. Without Heston America would have been over run by red coats years ago. The only reason why your not drinking tea and speaking Brit talk is because of one man, Charlton Heston.

"YOU CAN TAKE MY GUN FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS" Charlton Heston- GOD BLESS AMERICA

Civic Virtue

You know what really pisses me off? Shitfaces who don't know what civic virtue is. They are the kind of people who think being a cop would be cool because they get to blow people away. Of course most cops never discharge their weapons in the line of duty for an entire carrier. They miss the entire point of being a cop. They miss the point because they watch movies where cops get to kill shit and have lots of sex.

Guess what asshole that isn't how it works in the real world. A police officer is a civil servant. They get paid poorly for the service the provide the populace at large. They get little thanks from many facets of society. For one to put oneself in the line of duty is not for the glamor. Its the fact that you are putting society ahead of yourself.

I know a fellow who thinks that being a cop is all fun and games. He will weave tales of how cop students will party so hard and beat the living shit out of the person who gets the best grade on a test. Of course this same fellow has stated that the entire military should be made up of snipers and just left a laptop in a parking lot, and drove off.(He then tells people it was stolen because some one found it in the same parking lot and started using the data in it) He went to school computer networking for a year and asks me for help with computers. I also know that he is extremely racist, and doesn't see the point in learning Spanish in his future line of work. He also feels that people of middle eastern decent are all terrorists. He is defiantly the kind of person we do not want protecting us from the many different kinds of criminals.

Just get your heads out of your asses. People always bitch about how society screws them over, blah blah blah. I have an idea. WHY DON'T YOU GET OFF YOUR ASS AND HELP OUT FOR ONCE? I see the me me me mentality at work all the time and I feel sick of you people. They are the kind of people who bitch about US foreign policy but didn't vote in the last election. We live in a democracy. We all have a little say in how our civilization is run. If you didn't put in your say than you have nothing to bitch about.

I got summonsed to jury duty the other day. Am I going to try to weasel my way out of it? Fuck no. Thats because I understand that as a citizen of the community I have an obligation to serve. Sure I won't be able to work for that time. But I don't look at it as a problem. I see it as my community needing me and me answering the call. Why can't we all put a little into our society?

Same problem applies with people and the military. They are all for the military getting kids through college in times of peace, but when a war breaks out they freak out. Right before we invaded Iraq I remember soldiers who would bitch because they didn't join the military to fight a war. WHAT THE FUCK? What is the military for? I thought it was to serve and protect the American people. 99.99% of our servicemen of course never complained. They understand what it means to be American. They understand that a society is only as strong as the people who serve in it. They will gladly die in the line of duty. They understand what it means to be a civil servant.

If you have a problem with society than be productive and actually try to change it. Don't be emo and bitch and cry, and not doing shit. Also if you think that civil service is a glamorous job than you've never seen a member of the US Army Special Forces. Most of their missions are never told on CNN. When they get done with a job they go home pick up a tiny paycheck and know that they did it all for an unappreciative America.

What I'm getting at is that to serve ones civilization is exactly that. Serving. Servants are never thought of like real people. They are treated like shit because they are a cog in the machine that allows your average person the luxury of life in a first world nation. So I say MAN THE FUCK UP AMERICA. Go out and make your community a better place.

Beelte Bailey Should He Die?

Beetle Bailey is a comic strip about an incredibly lazy solider called Beetle Bailey. Your average comic strip consists of his DI yelling at him to get out of bed. Beetle says no he wants to sleep, and then he does something like catch the NCO barracks on fire.

Beetle has been in the army since 1950 and he is still a private. Thats 56 years of service and he has yet to even deploy. Where in the fuck was Beetle when we were conscripting men into Korea and Vietnam? Why do I as a tax payer get to support his stupid ass.


Do you want this man protecting you from Terrorism.

Don't even get me on his superiors. General Halftrack is such a puss that he allows his wife dictate his training regime for his men. His greatest offense as an officer is that he allows soldiers like Beetle to live off of the army like parasites. The good General isn't fit to command a mess hall, not the finest fighting force of all time (Besides the Israeli Armed Forces)

Sarge is a bumbling moron, who couldn't lead his men on a nature hike. He some how thinks that yelling at Beetle will get him to work. How about he punishes the rest of the unit for Beetles laziness, then we'll see how many blanket parties it takes for Beetle to man the fuck up.

Just the other day I read a comic where Beetle was pulling Sarge up a cliff with a rope. Sarge says that they still have a lot of work to do. The next frame has Sarge dangling and the moon is up. Its implied that Beetle left a man behind because he didn't want to take personal responsibility. We all know how I feel about leaving a fellow man behind. Hell while most soldiers are in a band of brothers, Beetle is at the local whore house.

Golfing instead of fighting terror? I wish we all had that kind of free time

Hey Beetle you keep on saying Sunday is your day off, well guess what? War doesn't ever take a day off. Ask the troops who were nearly wiped out by the Krauts during Christmas of 44. The Airborne didn't take time off because it was Christmas. And your enemy will never take time off either.

I want to know why its funny to watch Beetle sit around and say fuck you to America while we have boys deploying to Iraq three even four times. Beetle shows the highest disregard to the American people. It would be best if we had the entire unit Beetle belongs to liquidated due to the gross mismanagement and the traitorous manner which its soldiers carry themselves.

I will hold to my conviction that Private Beetle Bailey US Army, is a traitor and should be executed with extreme prejudice.